NMTB Extras
by SweetDulcinea
Summary: Companion/extras for Not Meant To Be - mostly EPOV. Must read NMTB first.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**So here is your very 1st EPOV! Please put it on your alerts because there will be more...**

**This chapter falls in line with Ch.1 of NMTB**

PS- If you haven't read Not Meant To Be yet, you will need to do so in order for this to make sense.

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I've never had reason to complain about my life. I have a good wife, a son I love more than life itself, a nice home, and a business that helps me support my family.

I will admit that the life I lead is a little bit monotonous, but I cannot justify complaining when I have so many reasons to be grateful.

But honestly, everyday in my life is the same. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions, but why mess with a good thing?

Every morning I wake up at 5:00 a.m. to do my daily weight training and then I run for 45 minutes. When I return, I make a protein shake and drink it on the way to my bathroom, where I shower and get ready for my day. Before I leave for work I wake my wife with a kiss so that she can get our son ready for the day and take him to school before she goes to her job.

I am the first to arrive at the garage, so I unlock all the doors, turn on the lights, and power up the computers. Shortly after my arrival, my book keeper, receptionist, and mechanics filter in to begin the day. I typically do office work until midmorning and then I head out to the floor to help my men with that day's intake of vehicles. Before leaving, I spend about an hour back in my office with the ladies finishing up whatever needs my attention. I say goodbye to all of my employees and leave the task of closing up to my receptionist.

From work, I drive to the elementary school to pick up Finn from kindergarten. On the drive home he tells me all about his day and I talk about mine. He loves cars and he's familiar with all my employees, so he enjoys hearing stories about Daddy's job. When we get home it's snack time followed by playtime. After a day at school, his little body needs to release some energy.

Around 5:00 p.m. I start preparing dinner while Finn does homework or reads to me from his seat at the kitchen table. My wife arrives home from work around 6:00 and we finish preparing dinner together before sitting down as a family to enjoy each others' company. After dinner Finn spends time with his mommy as she helps him bathe and get ready for bed. Once we've kissed him goodnight we usually sit together and watch television or read.

There are few deviations from our familiar and well-worn routine. Weekends are less structured and provide time for family outings, home and yard projects, or trips out of town.

Carissa and I do make sure to take time for ourselves, though. Every Saturday evening Finn goes with his grandparents so that we can have date night. Our nights vary between dinner, movies, the theater or sporting events, but they always end with time for intimacy. It's not as if date nights are the _only_ time we have sex, but some weeks that is the case.

We also make sure to take time for ourselves individually during the week. Every Tuesday I have poker night with some of my buddies while Carissa and her girlfriends in the neighborhood gather to watch some hour long drama, drink wine, and gossip about God knows what. It's good for both of us to do our own thing, and Finn doesn't seem to mind his weekly visits with the teenage babysitter we employ on Tuesdays. I think he has a little crush on her.

That's my life. Always the same. Always predictable. Simple, pleasant, comfortable. Isn't that what they call the American Dream?

This particular Tuesday, however, something changed.

Poker night ended early when Steve and Todd, both volunteer firemen, got paged for an emergency. As we all gathered up our winnings or remaining cash, Kevin, the only single guy in the group approached me.

"Edward, man, the night is young. What do you say we go grab a couple beers?"

I checked my watch and replied with a smile. "Sure, let me call the wife and make sure it's cool and I'll follow you."

I made a quick call to Carissa and she told me she was just about to walk down the block from our friends' house and head home. She said she had a little too much wine and she was tired. I promised not to stay too late, though she would not know the difference. She sleeps like the dead when she has been drinking.

Kevin saw my thumbs up and started his car. He led me to Tiki Wiki's, a bar in the next town over, and I wasn't quite sure why he chose it until we got inside. It was karaoke night.

We sat at the bar and talked for a while, and after Kevin sang a riveting Van Halen cover, he found a pretty young thing and made a quick escape with her. He gave me a hollow apology for bailing out, but I just laughed and waved him off as I sipped my beer. I meant to leave as soon as I finished that bottle, but the sweet giggles coming through the sound system drew my attention to the performers up on stage.

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

With a single glance, it was blatantly obvious that the two girls singing were a dangerous pair. While the men in the bar hollered and whistled, the tall blonde and the gorgeous brunette sang to each other and wiggled suggestively back at their new fans. I may be a married man, but I'm still a man and it was nearly impossible to look away. The blonde was the kind of woman who drew immediate attention. She had legs that went on for days and a physique that could rival a lingerie model. While no less beautiful than her friend, the brunette had a very different appeal. Her dark hair and eyes were a stark contrast to her pale complexion and soft features, and it was difficult not to notice just how expressive her dark eyes were. It's rude to stare, but something about that woman called to me. From the sway of her hips to the way the soft waves of her hair fell over her shoulders, she was an absolute siren to me. And that's without consideration to the short skirt and midriff baring tank top she wore!

As the song came to a close and the "Tempting Twins" hopped off the makeshift stage, I unconsciously followed the brunette with my eyes until she sat down with her friend and ordered a drink. A deep voice broke me from my reverie.

"Another beer, dude?" the bartender asked.

"Uh…yeah," I muttered, finally looking up at him.

He laughed and shook his head. "That's what I call hot, huh? I've never seen those girls here before, but I wouldn't mind if they became regulars."

I half smiled at him and glanced back toward the brunette who was laughing at something her blonde friend said. Her head tipped back just slightly, fanning her long hair down her back and exposing the taunt, creamy skin of her neck. My own grin grew in response to her breathtaking smile, and when I realized my involuntary reaction I grabbed my new beer and took a long pull from the bottle.

I averted my gaze from the girl and stared down at the bar. Three deep breaths slowed my pulse, but the damage was already done. I was absolutely certain that I was attracted to the brunette across the bar in a way I had never been drawn to a woman before. I was overcome with an unyielding desire to be near her, to hear her voice, to know her name. She was the scale by which all other beauty would now be measured, and I was a fool to think I could resist her.

Some small piece of myself nagged at me, begged me to run away and find an escape from this woman, but the selfish part of me won the battle. Through compromise with my own mind, I reasoned that I could stay a little longer. I would just look. I didn't _need_ to speak to her, but there was no harm in basking in her ethereal beauty a little bit longer. I did have a beer to finish after all, and it would be a shame to waste my hard earned money that way.

A distraction came in the form of the same deep voiced bartender who asked me if I was going to sing anything.

_Yes! I surely can't leave karaoke night without participating at least once, can I?_

So my decision was made, and I approached the DJ with my choice of song. It was an old favorite, and I loved the rasp of my voice as I sang it. I focused on the walls and the worn luau decorations around the large room, and did all I could not to look at my brunette.

_My brunette?_

_Oh, what's the harm? I'll leave here tonight and never see her again. Let me look a little bit longer._

_Yes, just a few more looks…_

A tall man in a Mariners hat and white polo shirt approached me when I walked back to the bar, but I didn't recognize him until he was right beside me.

"Edward! How've you been? I haven't seen you around the truck scene lately," he said enthusiastically.

I knew he was an acquaintance of my friend Mike, but I couldn't remember his name at first. I was saved when his girlfriend came over to join us.

"Luke, will grab me another beer?" the athletic woman said to him before turning to me. "Oh hey, you're Edward, right? I'm Mackenzie. We met once, but it's been a while," she said, extending a hand out to me.

"Hey Mackenzie. Luke," I greeted them back with handshakes. "Mike hasn't needed me at any of the rallies in a while, but I've been working on the trucks a couple times a month with him."

We carried on an amicable conversation for a little while until Luke and Mackenzie pointed out a few other people I knew from monster truck shows. I wandered around the crowd to say hello and chat, but inwardly I knew it was an excuse to hang around the bar a little bit longer. The fact that there were people I knew indirectly through Mike was a coincidence that I took advantage of to avoid going home just yet. I didn't forget about the presence of the sexy brunette, and I continued to steal glances at her as I conversed with people I wasn't all that interested in being around. I knew it was just an excuse to stay there and be near her. Many times I would catch her staring back at me, and I could feel my resolve to "just look" weakening each time.

And then it was as if the fates were working in my favor. Or against me, depending on how you look at things. I saw Demetri had arrived at some time and was standing with the blonde friend. He was best friends with one of my mechanics and they rebuilt classic cars together. We weren't friends by any means, but I knew him pretty well. Well enough to have an excuse to approach the brunette beauty.

_No, I'm not approaching her. I'm going to catch up with Demetri and say hello. If she happens to still be there when I do I _might _say_ _hello. There's no harm in saying hello._

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that._

As the devil on my one shoulder distracted the angel on the other side with my mental babble, my legs carried me across the bar to the opposite side where Demetri stood with the "Tempting Twins."

Demetri greeted me immediately with a man-shake – the handshake/one armed hug combo. We discussed his latest project for several minutes, and suddenly I was sitting on the barstool next to my chocolate eyed vixen.

"I'm Edward," I said with my best Oscar worthy smile. _Am I flirting?_

"Bella," she replied as a faint blush lit up her smooth cheeks. It gave her a delicious glow. I held in all the thoughts and comments I had about how fitting her name was for her because she had probably heard that a thousand times in her life. Instead I offered to buy her a drink and we fell into an easy conversation.

Our interaction continued as if I were under hypnosis. I was aware of everything happening around me and everything that I was doing, but I lacked the willpower to do anything else. Something else, some power of suggestion controlled my words and my actions and nothing else mattered. The world that I knew fell away piece by piece and chunk by chunk until all that existed were the two of us. She was beautiful, but even that wasn't an appropriate word. She deserved something better and stronger. She was a goddess in a miniskirt. She was perfection in a soft, slender body with a mind that could keep up with any joke or flirtatious comment I threw at her. I was simply powerless against her.

With each passing moment I wanted more of her. Anything she was willing to give, I would take. Every word she spoke was cool water in a desert oasis. Each smile was a star in a blackened sky.

My better sense was locked tight in the confines of my brain, but for a few brief moments it escaped its prison and I remembered why I couldn't allow this _thing_ to continue with Bella. The words "I'm married" fell from my lips, but there was insincerity instead of conviction. I said the words to turn her away, but my hands found silky, irresistible flesh and contradicted my very own sentiments. My body and my need for her challenged my mind, and she was left with the ultimate decision.

My body and the pure animal lust from within me celebrated a victory so monumental that Mr. Sensibility was hog-tied, gagged and bound before being locked away in my head. There was only one thing that mattered.

_Bella._

I wanted her. No, I _needed_ her, and I would take her any way she was willing to offer. I couldn't wait, and neither could she. Whatever I was feeling, she felt it, as well. Her desire mirrored my own, and our wild encounter was the most spiritual experience I'd ever had despite our questionable location. All that mattered was having her, and I did. Whatever the connection was that we felt for one another, it increased tenfold when I became a part of her for those fleeting minutes.

Somehow, I experienced a wholeness with Bella that I had never felt before in my life. When our bodies joined together, something deeper and invisible fused between us.

It was the end of all I ever knew and what I thought my life was before I ever met Bella. I was well aware of what I had to go back to at the end of my night. I was not without guilt. I knew what I had done was wrong, but it didn't matter. _She_ now overshadowed it all. A piece of me now belonged to Bella Swan, and from that point forward I knew I would take whatever pieces of her I could get.

_I am so screwed._

_Yes you are._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**This completes Edward's side of things during the Chapter 1 timeline.**

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_Trust (n) - reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence._

Shattered.

My entire world crumbled at my feet the minute I pushed my son's door open beyond the usual crack for light and peered at his sleeping form.

From the moment Bella walked back in the bar to the moment I pulled into my driveway the images and memories of my night replayed in my mind. Each smile, touch and kiss overwhelmed my thoughts on a repeat loop.

_I pulled Bella's car into the park and stopped before the chained entrance. It was illegal to be in the park after dark, thus why the entrance was blocked. That didn't stop us from going in by foot, though._

_I took Bella's delicate little hand and wove my fingers between hers. "Where to? Jungle gym? Fifty yard line of the football field?" I asked, only semi joking in an attempt to thwart the sexual tension between us._

"_Dugout," she answered, pointing in the direction of the baseball field with her free hand. I couldn't ignore the mischievous grin that spread across her face._

"_Mmm…you ready for a grand slam?" I mused._

_She stopped walking and turned to face me. "Wow, did you seriously just say that?"_

_I made a face and shrugged, and we both burst out laughing at my terrible joke. _

"_Shh…quiet!" I tucked my face into my elbow to muffle the sound. "Do you want to get arrested?" She mirrored my action and we managed to quiet down moments later._

_We resumed our walk, and as soon as we got into the dugout we were locked in a passionate kiss. She quickly tugged my pants down, pausing to remove the condom we had to stop and purchase on the way here. It was an inconvenience, but I was rather relieved that she wasn't the presumptuous type who carried them in her purse. I was pushed backward until I fell to the wooden bench. Bella stood before me running her fingers through my hair as my hands traveled up and down the outside of her thighs. I pressed my mouth against her stomach and looked up at her._

"_You are so fucking hot!" I reached under her skirt and yanked those sexy red boy shorts down to her ankles._

"_Feel what you do to me," she whispered in my ear as her body angled down toward mine. She placed my hand over her scorching sex and I immediately felt her arousal._

_I tentatively slid one finger between her tender folds and I almost came right there. The sensation was overwhelming. She was wet and ready for me, and she was completely different from the only other woman I had touched in years. I felt momentary discomfort when she rolled the condom onto me; I hadn't worn one since before I was married. It was a foreign sensation, but one that I forgot about when Bella lowered herself onto my cock._

_I allowed her to take the reigns and she moved skillfully upon my body. As if that were not enough, my senses were flooded with her scent, her taste, the curve of her breasts, and the sweet cries that escaped her cherry lips. Each was unfamiliar; a new landscape to discover and claim with my metaphorical flag. She was a mystery to me, not at all like the familiar body that occupied my bed each night. Being with Bella was both a physical and a psychological clusterfuck, and that brought the intensity of it all to a level I had never experienced before._

_In my frenzy, my hands explored whatever parts of her I could touch. I kissed her because I just _had_ to, and when we didn't I kept my eyes trained on hers. There's just something about that visual connection during sex that make it so much more intimate and intense. I wanted her to feel _and_ see what she was doing to me._

_She continued her beautiful torture on me; gliding up and down my shaft and alternating to rock back and forth. When her breaths became short and labored I knew she was close to her peak. I grasped her hips firmly and took control until her body shuttered in my lap. I leaned back against the wall, continuing to move my hips forcefully to bring on my own release. I wanted her to come with me, so I placed a hand between us and stroked her clit quickly. When I felt her start to tremble I let go. Her second orgasm overtook her as I spilled into the barrier that separated us._

Bella was incredible, and not just because I had the hottest sex of my entire life with her. She was beautiful and sweet, fiery and forbidden. Never in my life had I felt such an instant attraction to a woman. Furthermore, I'd never experienced that kind of _need_ for someone. It was lust, yes, but there was more than that. I didn't know why or how, but my entire being was pulled to her by some invisible, unbreakable cord. Nothing else mattered when it came to Bella, and for that I was powerless. I know that I initiated our interactions and our salacious act in a public park, but the power I speak of was lost to myself. Some inner beast I never knew existed took over my thoughts and words and drove me to Bella until I had her in every way I could for a single night.

I would not regret being with Bella because she deserved better than that. And to be quite honest, I don't believe in regret. You can learn from your past, but you should never regret it because that just means you're dwelling in the past and things you cannot change. You take what you've done, you learn from it, and you move forward.

No, there would be no regrets for Bella, but I was still forced to deal with what I had just done to my family.

I stared down at my innocent, wonderful child, and I knew that regret or no regret, I had betrayed him and his mother. My wife. I allowed my selfish desires to lead me, and I broke the trust and faith they had in me. They may not ever know what I did, but I would. I felt an ache in my heart for this truth, but at the same time I knew I wouldn't go back and change it even if I were able to do so.

What I felt for Bella over the course of a few hours was difficult to rationalize, but it was _real_. Nothing I thought or said could deny that simple fact.

And so I faced a decision. Where do I go from here? I owed it to my family to leave all thoughts of Bella behind and focus my attention on them, but that was easier said than done. Could I simply walk away? Could I deny the pull I felt in Bella's direction? Would she even be interested if I wanted to be with her again? These were questions I could not answer, and my brain was far too overloaded to consider it quite yet.

I took one last look at my son before leaving his bedroom and I knew the right thing to do. He would be my beacon of truth whenever I felt lost.

Within the confines of my bedroom, I avoided looking at my sleeping wife and went straight into the bathroom. I stood in the steaming hot shower until the water ran cold. I stepped out and dried myself, and held my clothes to my nose before stuffing them into the bottom of the hamper. They reeked of cigarette smoke and stale beer, but Bella's scent still faintly lingered in the fabric. I inhaled deeply one last time and said goodbye to her.

As I silently climbed into bed with my wife I made no attempt to be near or touch her. Guilt tingled in my neck, but it dissolved as I settled into my familiar marital bed. I would not destroy myself or my family over this. I do love my wife. What I did with Bella was not malicious. It was not something to intentionally hurt Carissa. It had nothing to do with her or Finn. It was about me and my desires, my needs. It was selfish, and therefore I would bear any consequences on my own shoulders. None of my confusion would be displaced to my family.

I woke up the next morning with less than adequate sleep, yet I still maintained my daily routine. As I ran, thoughts of Bella clouded my mind, but I developed a new resolve despite myself.

What I had felt last night could not be changed. I did not want it to be changed. I knew, however, that I had to leave it behind me. I told Bella I would call her, but I couldn't. I would focus my attention on my family and I would not revisit my infidelity.

That was how I proceeded over the next week. Every time my mind would wander to Bella, I would find something else to occupy my time. I told my son how much I loved him more than usual. I poured my energy into my work and employees. I spent extra time working on cars instead of alone in my office. I lavished Carissa with attention, and we made love nearly every night that week. I went without my usual amount of sleep, but it was working.

The second week was different. The revitalization of our sex life was a worthy distraction at first, but as it goes, nothing gold can stay. As hard as I tried to maintain that fire and excitement between us, it faded out as quickly as it had begun.

I was suddenly hyperaware of my relationship with my wife and the state of our marriage. For the first time in the six years we'd been married I let myself see the truth. Our marriage was vanilla. It was mundane. I was neither happy nor unhappy with her and the life we had built together. There was love shared between us, built on a foundation of our history, friendship, and the effort we put into our life together. But the undeniable fact was that in all the years I had known Carissa, I had never felt a passion or desire for her that compared to the one I felt for Bella. I barely knew Bella and our brief time together was by no means enough to build a future upon, but I still couldn't shake the overwhelming obsession I now had with her. She was an enigma to me; a puzzle I had to solve in order for my soul to find any peace in our impossible situation…and that scared the ever-loving shit out of me.

I wanted to know her. I needed to know what it was about her that caused this epic stir of emotions within me. I had to discover what it was about her that had me examining six years of marriage in a way I never had before she came along. Even more, and somewhat shamefully, I had an insatiable desire for her body. I wanted to be inside of her again and explore every inch of her delicately sculpted frame. I wanted to hear her cries of passion again and watch her beautiful face when she came apart on and around me. It was wrong and it was selfish, but I couldn't make it go away.

So after days of holding my cell phone in the palm of my hand and staring at her number under the false name I had created in my contacts list, I finally hit send. In what felt like slow motion I brought the phone to my ear and held my breath as it rang. I mentally prepared myself for her voicemail message to come on, but to my surprise I was greeted by her light and lovely voice.

"Hello?" she said in a sing-song manner.

"Bella," I said quietly. "It's Edward. How are you?"

I waited a moment, but she still hadn't responded. I shifted nervously in my desk chair and looked at my door for the fiftieth time to make sure it was securely closed.

"Bella?" I repeated.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Hi Edward."

Silence.

"How are you?" I said a second time.

"Umm, I'm good, I guess," she said quickly. There seemed to be a hint of nervous unease in her voice, and I felt better knowing I wasn't alone in my apprehension.

"I miss you," I blurted out without thinking and immediately cringed at my word vomit.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

Did I miss her? After all the time I'd spent thinking about her in the past two weeks, I suppose I did. It wasn't rational, but nothing about this situation was.

"I'd like to see you again," I said quickly before she could respond to my previous admission.

"Okay," was her solitary response.

_Okay? That's all I get? _

_That's good, right? I mean, she wouldn't agree if she didn't want to see me. It's not much, but it's something._

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked. "Are you busy? I can call you another time if I'm interrupting something."

_Good recovery, Cullen._

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. Just a little distracted. Umm, I should go, but…call me back and we'll plan something?"

I sighed in relief and agreed. It wasn't much, but at least she hadn't turned me down. Part of me knew it would be better if she had, but the amoral monster in me delighted in the knowledge that she wanted to see me again.

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**End notes: OME! Dugout sex =)**

**Edward saying "nothing gold can stay" is a nod to a Robert Frost poem by the same name. It is also referenced in **_**The Outsiders **_**by S.E. Hinton. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**** *sigh* Edward's tattoos, however, belong to all my friends & ex-b/f's I borrowed them from!  
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**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last EPOV. This one correlates with Chapter 2, but Edward's tone is quite different from Bella's. I hope you enjoy his srs bsns. It's short, but heavy.**

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Bella's naked body laid out before me was by far one of the most stunning sights I had ever seen. I had anticipated it all night long. From the moment we met at the mall she took my breath away, and in that instant I wanted to take her in completely. She was a casual beauty in jeans and a little tee. Her demeanor was cool and calm, but I wondered if she felt the same inner turmoil I did. Yet here and now with nothing between our bodies but a sheer latex barrier, far more than our flesh was exposed to one another.

In a foreign, almost teenage way, she made me nervous, excited, confused and uninhibited all at once. Regardless, our course was set, and she allowed me the access to the body that had been home to many recent fantasies. I kissed her everywhere I could. I touched her in ways that made her mewl and cry out, and those reactions further incited my resolve to worship every inch of her perfection. Her cries of passion were music to my ears, and I would compose a symphony upon her if she would allow me to do so.

I didn't hesitate to take what I wanted from her because in doing so I gave myself over to her just the same. Bringing her pleasure fed my need and spurned me onward. Each touch was a silent whisper of adoration. Each kiss was an unspoken plea for more of her body and her mind. With each shift of my hips I was pleading my case in hopes that she would allow me to be with her this way again in the future. I kept my eyes on hers as much as I could. Getting lost in her chocolate brown heaven, I tried to communicate to her all the intensity of emotions she made me feel. The words were forbidden and could not be spoken under the circumstances, but we could have this together. I willed her to understand me.

It all culminated in the most mind blowing sex I've ever had in my life.

I love sex. I am a man, I have dick, and therefore I love sex. But the intimacy I shared with Bella was something greater. I should have felt ashamed to think such a thing and place her on a higher pedestal of sorts than my own wife, but it was undeniable. When our bodies coalesced, I felt at home. Somehow, her body knew exactly how to work with mine and how to respond to mine. Our movements were eerily in synch, and bringing each other to our peak felt natural. There was no need for the tricks or toys I had grown accustomed to with my wife. All that we needed was to do what came to us instinctively, and we were both lost in the ecstasy of it all. I could not fault her for digging her fingernails into my skin in the heat of passion because I felt the intensity myself, but I couldn't let her continue. To my surprise, my forceful distraction only seemed to encourage her as she begged me for release.

When I let go and fell down upon her hot, sweaty form beneath me, I knew in my heart that this would never be enough for me. Bella had captured something within me, and I could not get it back. She may not have realized it, even when I offered her my genuine words of praise and affection, but deep inside me I understood.

But as enraptured as I was in Bella in the sexual sense, I was certain my desire for her went far beyond our intimate encounters. The need to know her washed over my like a tidal wave, and with it came the hunger for her to know me as well. I was automatically hesitant to tell her about my family, but anything else I could give to her I would. So when she began to ask me about the art that adorned my body, I was eager to share my stories with her. Lost in the newly discovered pleasure of opening up to her, I was caught off guard when she asked about the tattoo I'd gotten for Finn.

"They're my son's initials," I told her as casually as I could manage. I prayed she could not hear the nervous edge in my voice, or worse that she would freak out and run away from me. That may have been the more sensible reaction, but it was not the one I wanted her to have.

I watched in shame as the post coitus rose hue disappeared from her skin in a tell tale blanch. She uneasily questioned me, and like a coward I lied and tried to play things off as if she were the forgetful one. I managed a half smile, but I did not mean it. I was already breaking all the rules and lying to my wife. Lying to Bella just seemed to make the entire situation even worse.

Some unspoken contemplation danced in her eyes, but she finally dropped the subject with an uncomfortable shrug. I quickly took advantage of the opportunity for a distraction and led her upstairs to watch a movie.

I settled into the couch, half laying so that she could curl up against my chest while she rested between my legs. We draped a blanket over ourselves, which afforded me the opportunity to continue touching and exploring her skin without putting it on display for Mike. Bella quickly made herself comfortable, and the tension from my early admission seemed to leave her mind. I barely paid attention to the movie, but I appreciated the two hour window it gave me to snuggle up with her.

At one point, while absentmindedly stroking her smooth stomach beneath the hem of her shirt, I realized that this simple act was something I hadn't done with my own wife in ages. We kissed in greeting and were casually affection at times, but I could not remember the last time we had just sat together this way and enjoyed the feel of the other's warm body. We didn't even touch each other in bed anymore unless we were having sex. The worst part was that I didn't miss it or crave it. I had always been content with the way we were, and apart from our recent - and fleeting - sexual revival, she was almost always the one to initiate any form of affection. That realization made me feel like an utter shit head, but Carissa never verbalized any complaints or concerns over that little fact. Her attempt were so few and far between as it was, it didn't seem to make much of a difference anyway.

A shift in Bella's position brought me back to the present, and I noticed her burying her nose in my shirt. I smiled at the way she was inhaling my scent, and I tilted my nose toward her hair to do the same. Her head tipped slightly to look up at me and return the smile, and we both angled ourselves in for a chaste kiss. Just as naturally as it occurred, we both returned our attention to the television screen and continued our cuddling.

When I drove Bella back to her car a short time later, we were both quiet and peaceful. I was genuinely happy to simply be there with her, and she seemed to share my sentiment. I wondered if her thoughts mirrored mine in any way, but I tried not to over think it too much. I was struck with an understanding that if she _were_ thinking anything negative about our evening together, I would have been sorely disappointed. I should have hoped she would not return my growing feelings, but I feared that was not the case. From what I could see and feel between us, she was caught up in this little affair just as much as me. She was easy to talk to and be around, and there were still a million things I wanted to know about her. If she desired my time, my presence, or my friendship, I would readily give it to her. I told her I wanted to see her again and she willingly agreed.

I was completely unsure of how to proceed, but proceed I would.

Something told me that Bella was worth the risk. I could not deny the draw to her anymore; it went beyond physical attraction. These feelings were inexplicable, but I _liked_ them. I would somehow find a way to explore this relationship with Bella Swan.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**This covers the time frame of Chapters 3, 4, and 5. Thank you x1000 to keepingupwiththekids for beta'ing my chapters repeatedly & sporadically…and for being a great friend/Edward luva!**

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I love my wife, but I'm not in love with my wife. A part of me has always known, but I never admitted it to myself until now.

There was nothing wrong with her, really. She had always been a good friend to me, and she was certainly a wonderful mother to our son.

That's what makes me the monumentally selfish prick that I am.

The first date night we had after I was with Bella again had started out well enough. We dropped Finn off with Carissa's parents, and then went out for dinner and a movie. The problem arose when we returned home. We had opted for a late meal after the movie instead of before, and she had several drinks with dinner. By the time we finished, she had an obvious buzz and was ready to play. Try as I might, I could not get into it with her. My thoughts were still too preoccupied with Bella. I ended up bending my wife over the side of the bed and taking her from behind. I couldn't look at her face while we made love; it just wasn't the same anymore. I truly don't believe she knew anything was off because after her orgasm, she turned to me with a smile and declared, "That was hot."

See? Prick.

But it got worse.

I had an opportunity to get out of the house on Sunday, so I tried calling Bella several times. I never heard back from her. I was disappointed, but hoped that another opportunity would present itself soon. At the very least I would have liked to talk to her. I made a couple more attempts that week, but I didn't hear from her until Thursday morning. I missed her first call, but we did manage to touch base later that evening.

To say I was frustrated by that point was an understatement. I thought we had shared a really great night together, but her absence left me questioning if she shared those feelings. It plagued my thoughts all week long, and when we finally spoke, my irritation broke free. She seemed…amused, which made me wonder what the hell I had gotten myself into with Bella. Regardless, I wanted to see her and we made plans for Sunday night.

Another date night came before that, and it was the same as the previous week. I was still attracted to Carissa, but it was no longer the same. Since experiencing Bella, she was the one I desired. She was the one I wanted pinned beneath me in bed. I wasn't by any means thinking about ending my marriage, but there was a definitive shift in my perspective.

I knew it was foolish and wrong for me to carry on this way, but I didn't want to stop. I had been very preoccupied with Bella sexually, but I truly did want to know her beyond that. I had female friends and acquaintances other than my wife, though all those relationships were superficial. I could tell you some of their interests and the names of their family members, but I didn't really _know_ any of them. None sparked my interest enough for deeper friendship, and frankly I never felt the need for female friendships…until I met Bella. My thoughts drifted back to the night we met and that pull that drew me to her. There was no logical explanation; my entire being simply demanded that Bella be in my life. No matter how hard I tried, I could not deny my need to spend more time with her.

By Sunday afternoon I was full of anxious energy for my meeting with Bella. A distraction was necessary to get me through the day, so I decided to take Finn to the park. We kicked the soccer ball around for a while, and then I let him play on the jungle gym with some other children who were there. On the car ride home he was uncharacteristically quiet. I tried to engage him in conversation, but he eventually revealed what was on his little mind.

"Daddy, what's a divorce?" he asked earnestly.

I froze up and immediately began to panic. _Does Carissa know something? Have I not been careful enough? Did someone see me with Bella?_

I gulped uncomfortably and looked at him in the rearview mirror. "Why don't you tell me where you heard that word and then Daddy can explain it to you."

"Joshua told me his mommy and daddy are getting a divorce and now he has to go live in a different house and go to a different school."

I felt relief immediately, but I still had to think of the best way to explain divorce to a six year old. I cleared my throat and gave it a shot.

"Well, sometimes daddies and mommies start to feel sad when they're together, and sometimes when they're sad for a really long time they decide not to live in the same house anymore. Divorce means they won't be married anymore, and they won't hug and kiss anymore."

He looked very worried as he asked his next question. "Does that mean Joshua won't get to see his dad anymore?"

"I don't know," I answered. "Sometimes kids only live with one parent after a divorce, but most of the time the kids live with their mom part of the time and their dad other days."

"Will you and Mommy get a divorce? I don't wanna live in a different house, Daddy!" His concerned words broke my heart and sent a fresh wave of guilt over me.

"Mommy and I love each other and we don't have any plans to get a divorce, buddy. We're a family and we both love you very much, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded. "Are Papa Ed and Mimi Liz divorced? They're your mommy and daddy and they live in different houses."

I couldn't believe I overlooked that detail when Finn first asked. "Yes, they got a divorce when I was a little boy, but they are both happy now and they both love you very much." I didn't include how difficult my childhood was on account of their divorce, but those were details Finn didn't need to hear. I was just grateful that both of my parents were active in my son's life. He deserved the love of both of his grandparents.

A few hours later I was with Bella on our way to Mike's house. The implications of my son's questions weighed heavily on my mind, but I blocked them out as much as I could. Conventional wisdom would suggest I stay away after that conversation with my son, but I could not find the will to do so. I still didn't know what to make of this affair with Bella, and I wanted to make the most of our time together. In the last month this was only the third time I had seen her. I could hardly draw any conclusions about our situation just yet, nor did I have any idea how long this would continue.

What I did know was that I could hardly control myself when we got to Mike's house. She looked incredible, and her scent brought forth vivid memories of our previous intimate moments. They say smell is the sense linked closest to memory, and she was no exception. Bella smelled like fresh lilacs with a hint of vanilla. It was a tantalizing combination – one I never would have considered before, but it suited her.

We exchanged pleasantries with Mike for a little while, but as soon as he was distracted I had to claim her. I took her hard and long, giving us both as much pleasure as I could. As we laid together talking afterward, I was completely enraptured. I relished each word and every touch. It felt so good to be close to her that way. We were giving of ourselves and learning about one another. It was the purest form of newborn infatuation and adoration. It was perfect until…

Until the moment I remembered my son's words in the car that day.

"_Will you and Mommy get a divorce?"_

And then it all fell apart.

I panicked as the gravity of what we were doing hit me. I didn't even know the last time Carissa and I laid in bed together and just talked and touched that way after sex. Normally we would both roll over and fall asleep. But with Bella I was feeling something different. Something I shouldn't have. All the while my son was frightened that his family would be broken up just like his friend's family. That was the worst guilt I felt since I met Bella.

I cut her off mid-sentence as I jumped out of the bed and redressed myself. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. The confusion and hurt on her face was too much to bear.

I said awful things to her and implied awful things about her. I took what we shared and turned it into something ugly. It wasn't me speaking to her, it was the fear. I was absolutely terrified that something might happen and I would lose my son. There was no way I could explain it to her. I simply _could not_ lose Finn. I was certain I wouldn't survive if that happened. It was too agonizing to justify the _true_ reason, so instead I behaved like a complete jerk.

I upset Bella, and I earned everything she said to me. She didn't deserve to be hurt for something that was my responsibility, but I still did it. I was completely ashamed of myself, but I could offer her nothing. Instead I stayed almost completely silent. When I tried to offer her something resembling an apology she simply cut me off. I deserved it.

I deserved Bella's verbal beating. I deserved to shoulder Finn's fear. I deserved the guilt I dealt with every day because of the mistakes of my past.

What I did _not_ deserve was to have someone as amazing as Bella in my life, and she made it clear that she felt the same way.

"_Please don't call me again,"_ she said. And then I was alone.

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**Endnotes: Now you see why Edward was a douche. He has more secrets, but isn't ready to share them yet. If you ever feel like his head is messed up & he can't make a decision to save his life…you're right.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**This chapter is Edward's reactions after Chapter 5.**

**Much gratitude for all the faves, alerts & reviews. You rock my world.**

**Endless thanks to my fab beta keepingupwiththekids for **_**everything**_**!**

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"_What the hell crawled up your ass and died, Edward?"_

"_Excuse me?" I asked incredulously._

"_You heard me. You've been acting like a total dick for the past three days."_

"_I'm going for a run."_

"_It's nine o'clock at night!"_

"_Thank you for your brilliant observation. Like I said, I'm going for a run."_

That little gem is the conversation I had with my wife before changing my clothes and bolting from the house…for my second run of the day.

Carissa and I met the summer before seventh grade. I lived with my mom during the school year, but school breaks and every other weekend I was with my dad. Carissa's family had just moved in down the street from my dad, and when her little brother found out there was another boy in the neighborhood he became my shadow. I had very little interest in spending all my time with a nine year old, and I'm pretty sure Carissa, who was my age, felt the same way.

Nonetheless, the three of us went to the community pool together every single day. During those two months, I became very close with Carissa and her brother Vince. We made more friends at the pool, but since we were neighbors, the majority of our time was spent together.

When the new school year began I went back to my mom's house. Since my mom and dad lived in different school districts, Carissa and I only saw each other on the weekends.

As we got older, other friends and activities took up more of our time, but we remained pretty close. In high school, the internet gained popularity, so we made up for our time apart by instant messaging each other frequently. It was always nice to have a friend at another school who I could vent to about my other life. I always had my clique at school and the guys from auto shop, but Carissa was different. She was my friend, and I was hers; nothing more, nothing less.

What happened when I was 16 made me different from all my school friends. I became detached from most of them simply because they could not understand me anymore. We remained friends, but it was as if everyone looked at me with tunnel vision. Instead of seeing Edward, they saw my mistake. But Carissa's view of me never changed. Her friendship remained, and she was there when I needed her.

Watching Carissa carry our son four years later made me love her in a way I had never experienced. We were young and anxious, but our friendship had endured over the years. We were both so sure that we could do anything as long as we had each other.

Now as I run along the sidewalks in the dark I'm not so sure.

When I returned home, Carissa had the sense to leave me alone. She barely acknowledged my presence as I showered and climbed into bed. I woke her the next morning before work with a kiss on the cheek, and that evening we made casual conversation over dinner. Once Finn was in bed her tone changed.

"Will you please tell me what's going on with you?" she asked earnestly.

I took a deep breath and glanced at her from across the sofa. "I'm just a little stressed out." It wasn't a lie, necessarily. I just didn't mention what, or _who_ was causing my stress.

"About?"

"Just…work and stuff. It's all been kind of crazy lately." That was better than, _'The woman I've been cheating on you with told me to fuck off.'_

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. I knew why she said that. We'd always been able to talk about everything. She helped me through the hardest time of my life, and we had faced our own hardships together. But this obviously wasn't something I could discuss with my wife.

"No. Hopefully it will pass soon. I don't want to dwell on it."

"Okay," she agreed with a resigned sigh.

I just didn't know how to interact with my wife anymore, so instead of thinking about her romantically I reverted to looking at her as my best friend. We had been friends since we were kids. We grew up together; we gave each other advice on school, significant others and friends. We knew each other for years before our relationship developed into something more.

The more I thought about the sweet girl and faithful companion she had once been to me, the easier it was to behave like a civilized person around her. Those musings did little for my desire for her, but my respect for her as the mother of my son helped me maintain some of my attraction to her. It did not match my attraction to Bella, nor did it make that dissipate, but it was something. It was at least enough to remain as her husband and play my part. Even that little bit gave me hope. It was perfectly normal to be attracted to multiple people at once, even if one of them didn't wish to speak to me any longer.

My place was with my family, there were just a lot of feelings I needed to work through. As much as it pained me to know that I had hurt Bella, there was little use in stewing over it any longer. She didn't want me in her life, but I still had my own life to lead. I could start by being a friend to my wife, and things would get better from there. I would make sure of it.

Things didn't go back to normal by any stretch of the imagination, but as the days wore on I put more effort into treating Carissa better. She didn't bring up my terrible behavior, nor did she seem to notice the lack of affection I displayed toward her. She seemed perfectly content with our Saturday date nights and a few kisses and hugs throughout the week. I just went along with whatever she wanted, too caught up in my own routine to notice her complacency, and she didn't seem to notice mine, either.

I warred with my own mind and desires. On one hand I had a family who I loved, and who deserved the very best of me. Finn would always be my number one. I still struggled to be the husband I _should _be, but I at least managed to be the husband I _could_ be. On the other hand there was a woman out there in the world who had changed me. Her simple presence in my life opened my eyes to new perspectives, and possibilities I never knew existed. The problem was that she wanted nothing to do with me. I could go on with my life and family, but it was impossible to get her or my unforgiven sins against her out of my head.

But what could I do? Bella made herself very clear the last time I saw her. I would try to move forward with my family and hope that in time I could get back to good, but letting go of Bella was much easier in theory than reality.

_I wish I could _Eternal Sunshine _her from my memory._

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**Endnotes: **_**Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind**_** is a Jim Carrey/Kate Winslet movie from the early '90s. To fully understand why Edward said that you should either watch the movie, or at least Wiki it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**This continues with Edward's life after Chapter 5, and brings us to the end of Chapter 9.  
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**Keepingupwiththekids is my amazing beta extraordinaire.**

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My life was a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. Right and wrong had become so twisted in my mind as of late that I could hardly tell them apart. One moment I would resolve to move forward with my marriage, and the next I'd see my wife as my 13 year old confidant again. Intertwined with those thoughts was my wavering over Bella. I _knew_ in the deepest depths of my heart that I should leave her and my indiscretions in the past…but I couldn't.

That same force that drew me to her in the first place was hounding me to make things right with her. She deserved to be treated better, and I couldn't live with myself if I never had the chance to apologize. If nothing else, I could hope to be her friend. She was like no one I'd ever known, and I needed her in my life. I would take her in any capacity she would allow me. But first I had to beg her forgiveness for the way I'd spoken to her.

Somehow, I was no longer feeling guilty for wanting her. For the last two and a half weeks, Bella has been the first thing I thought of when I wake up, and the last face I saw in my mind before I sleep. No matter what I've tried, I haven't been able to erase her. My conscience knew it wasn't how I should feel, but my body, my mind, and my heart accepted that I was not whole until she came into my life.

There were times I fantasized about what it would be like to truly be with Bella…in the way she deserved. I tried not to entertain such thoughts because it couldn't be, but they still had a way of sneaking up on me. I made my choices years ago, and the life I had now is where I had to remain. No matter what I wanted now, it wouldn't be reality. I made a commitment long ago, and I would honor it. I had to; I need my son, and therefore need his mother. I should have felt worse about my apathy toward Carissa as my wife…but I didn't. This wasn't her fault; I wouldn't hold it against her. I just couldn't pretend or fool myself into thinking she was the love of my life. It wouldn't be fair. I didn't know what Bella was to me, but she certainly did something to me I'd never felt with anyone else. Meeting her made me take an honest look at my marriage, and I realized many truths I have never acknowledged. I could be Carissa's friend and husband, but in my heart we were no longer lovers. Were we ever? In a way, yes, but not in the traditional sense that most married couples are.

_I'm such a prick._

I probably didn't deserve either woman, but I was selfish enough to want to keep them both in my life. That is, if I could get Bella _back_ in my life after I made her think I regarded her as a whore. I _never_ thought of Bella that way, but my paranoia made ugly, harsh accusations fall from my lips. I needed to make it right, and make her understand that I never meant to hurt her in any way. I didn't know how I would proceed if I could get her back in my life, but I was willing to cross that bridge when I got to it.

I finally reached my breaking point on a Thursday night. It had been 18 days since I'd last seen Bella, and I couldn't take it anymore. She didn't answer when I called, so I left her a voicemail message. I waited, praying for her to call me back, but she never did. So I called again. And again. I left message upon message apologizing, but still nothing. I wondered if she even listened to them.

Then one night I called, and it went to voicemail after the first ring. That meant she saw my call, but chose not to answer…so I called another time with the same results. I took a deep breath and tried a third and final time. This would be my last attempt, and then I would have to give up this chase. There is only so much rejection one man can take.

I was shocked when someone actually answered, but it wasn't Bella.

"Hello," someone sang into the phone. Her voice was laced with mischief and implication.

"Umm, hey. This isn't Bella, is it?"

She answered immediately. "No, I'm sorry, Edward. This is Rosalie." _Of course. Her best friend answers. This is either really good for me or really bad._

"Hi, Rosalie. I hope life has been treating you well," I said cautiously.

"Yes, thank you, I'm doing well." She was still being friendly. My hopes were high.

"I'm glad to hear it," I said honestly. "Is Bella around? I'd really like to speak to her if she is. I just need to hear her voice and tell her what a monumental asshat I am."

"Yes she is. Mmm hmm, let me get her for you," she responded as I spoke, and then she was gone.

"What?" she said angrily. I cringed at her tone, but began to say what I needed her to hear.

"Oh, Bella. Hi," I whispered, not quite sure where to start. Her end of the line was silent, so I continued. I wanted more than anything to hear her say my name, but I wasn't counting on it. "Listen Bella, I feel awful...terrible for the way we left things. Please, I'm so sorry. I can't stand the thought of you being mad at me. I know what I said must have made me sound like the biggest dickhead on the planet, but I didn't mean it like that." I tried to communicate my sincerity in both my tone and my words, but I wasn't sure if it was making a difference at this point.

"Just...shut up," she said so softly I could barely hear her. It made me wish I could hold her right then and there, and try to bring her some comfort.

"Bella?" I couldn't say more for fear that my voice would crack.

She audibly sighed, and I found myself longing for her breath on my neck. "It's fine. I'm fine. Forget about it, okay?" Her words were like a plea. I could tell she had more she wanted to say, but she didn't.

"Are you sure?" I asked one last time. I would get down on my knees and beg if it meant she really did forgive me.

"Yeah. I've got to go, Edward. Take care."

She spoke to me! It wasn't much, but it was _something._

I was ecstatic.

I was relieved.

I was hopeful.

I wouldn't screw this up, and I would not hurt her again.

This was a new dawn and a second chance at our friendship. I didn't know if it might go anywhere from there, but it was a start. I wanted her in every way possible, but her trust and friendship was my first priority. I promised myself to gain that back, and I would make good on that promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**Thx to keepingupwiththekids  
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**This falls into the beginning of Chapter 10 when Bella & Edward speak on the phone for weeks, but do not see one another in person.**

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The phone rang once, twice, three times as I held the receiver to my ear. _She's not going to answer. Why do I keep trying when all logic tells me not to?_

_Because you can't let go._

There had been one other phone call between the time Rosalie answered for Bella and now. Bella had avoided me all week, but when I called early on a Saturday morning she answered. Her attitude had been a little hostile, yet I couldn't fault her for it; she had little reason to trust me anymore. However, when she tried to deny that there was something more than sex between us, I had to make a stand. She was speechless afterward, and I wasn't sure if I'd gone too far. Bella never said whether she would answer the next time I called. I had resigned myself to believing that I would only meet her voicemail when the ringing stopped.

"Hello?" Her voice was smooth like honey and it lingered in my ear.

"Bella," I said softly. If I could hear the relief in my voice, I'm certain she could, too. "You answered."

"Yes, I did." I knew she was smiling. I could feel it.

"Right, yeah. How are you? Are you busy?"

"No, I'm just on my way home from the gym now. How was your day?" she asked sweetly. She sounded slightly apprehensive, but at the same time, happy. After our previous calls I had to wonder what she was really thinking. I had upset her so much, and had to fight my way back into her life. I certainly wasn't in her good graces yet, but she made no indication otherwise. I felt like I was waiting on a ticking time bomb.

It never came.

We talked for an hour as I prepared dinner before Carissa returned home from work. Finn was otherwise occupied playing the Wii with one of the children from the neighborhood.

I knew that Bella worked as a preschool teacher and that she used to bartend full-time, but she had never given me much background on how she came into that line of work. It was endearing to hear her talk about the children in her class, and I'll admit it warmed my heart to see that side of her. She was compassionate, kind, and full of love for each of those little ones. However, it bothered me to find out that she sought that job upon the insistence of her ex, James.

It was obvious that talking about him made her uncomfortable, so I tried not to pry. I found that to be very difficult at times because from the sound of it, that relationship was out of character for her. He sounded like a manipulative, obsessive jerk. The thought of Bella being controlled by someone who couldn't see how she deserved to be treated was truly sickening. My stomach was in knots over the fact that I couldn't go back in time and protect her, but then again, she appeared to be pretty well recovered now. I wondered how she would react if she ever saw him again.

Later that evening, when Finn was in bed and Carissa was busy playing on some mommy website she enjoyed, my thoughts returned to Bella. Hatred for this James I didn't even know had been brewing inside me until I faced a sudden realization. Was I really any better than that low life? For nearly two years, he had my precious Bella as his own, and he treated her like dirt. Granted I am neither addicted to drugs nor emotionally abusive, but who am I to lead this double life with Carissa and Bella? Don't they both deserve better? For very different reasons, they are both wonderful women. Each deserved happiness and love, but was I worthy enough to give it to them? How was I supposed to chose? Could I, or would my selfish nature keep me on this same path indefinitely?

Those thoughts plagued me daily.

"Tell me the best part of your day."

"Umm…talking to you?"

My heart rate spiked when I heard her words come through the phone, but I could sense the hint of a teasing tone. "No really." I didn't want to get my hopes up either way.

"Why can't you believe that talking to you is the best part of my day? Maybe it is," she insisted. "Maybe I had a really shitty day, and now you're making it all better."

I smiled, though she wouldn't see that. "Bella, did you have a shitty day?"

"Nah," she replied quickly. "It was a day like any other."

"So talking to me isn't the best part of your day?"

Her giggle was soft and sweet, and I wished I could see her expression that accompanied it. "Is someone fishing for compliments?"

"Please?"

"Okay, okay! Talking to you is a _great_ part of my day, but the best part would have to be…getting a new electric toothbrush."

"You're joking," I deadpanned.

"Not at all."

"So what you're telling me," I said matter-of-factly, "Is that you like your _toothbrush_ more than me? Wow, I feel really awesome. I wish I hadn't asked."

Her laugh was stronger this time, more vibrant and completely captivating. "Do you know how wonderful an electric toothbrush is? Seriously, Edward…fresh batteries and some nice, firm bristles. Mmm…it feels so good!"

Her passion for dental hygiene was incredibly amusing. I couldn't resist teasing her. "Fresh batteries? Are you sure you're talking about a toothbrush, or is there some other purchase you'd like to tell me about. In detail, please."

"You're incorrigible, Edward!" she giggled. "For the record, I don't do toys, not that it's any of _your_ business. I prefer the real deal; sweaty, sticky, loud, and hard. Not to mention toys can't kiss."

"I'll take you're word for that. Do you think I can interest you in something…what was it? Sweaty, sticky, loud, and hard?"

"Not yet," she said softly. I wanted to kick myself. The mood had been so playful, and I went and ruined it by being overly eager.

I paused for a moment to find the appropriate words. "You're right, Bella. I'm sorry for pushing you. Forgive me?"

"Of course. I started it anyway."

"Thank you."

In two weeks, I had spoken to Bella six separate times, and a total of nearly nine hours. Whenever I had free time or could get away, I was dialing Bella's number. Sometimes she didn't answer, but when I was lucky, she did. I was starting to learn the best times to call, and she always seemed willing to indulge me.

We didn't discuss what I'd said and done to her that night at Mike's house. She accepted my apologies and told me we could be friends again. Now was my time to work on that friendship and earn her trust back. I couldn't explain why, but it was so important to me. I steered away from suggestive conversations as much as I could, but it was difficult not to flirt. Bella was charming, funny, and sweet; how could I resist her? That pull I felt to her the first night we met was still there. Even over phone lines and in different towns, I couldn't deny the attraction I felt to her physically and emotionally.

Through all my efforts, I learned a great deal about Bella. We already knew that our musical tastes were quite similar, but that never stopped us from discussing our favorite artists, albums, or new releases. In fact, that subject filled many of our conversations. She was passionate when she spoke of the music she loved, and she truly had a soft spot for lyrics. We found that our interests complemented each other because I was more interested in the musicians and their talent. I also learned that Bella wanted to skydive, had been to South America when she was in college, and could make her own sushi. I was given details about her friendship with Rosalie, but she never spoke of many male friends. I knew she had them, but it was a subject she avoided. I can't say I was particularly interested in learning about other men in her life, anyway.

While I wanted to learn everything there was to know about Bella, I had harder time opening up about my own life. Naturally, we avoided discussing Carissa. I still told her about Finn, and what he was doing and learning these days. I gave her small bits of information about Carissa, but the details were sparse. Bella knew that Carissa and I had known each other since we were kids, though I never shared how we ended up together or how I felt about our marriage. I had the sense that conversations about my wife made Bella uncomfortable, so I didn't bring them up unless she asked. I left out pretty much all details of my teenage years, as well. Other than music and Finn, the one subject I spoke most passionately about was cars. I told her how cars and engines had been an interest of mine since childhood, and how I was an auto shop junkie in high school. She heard about my work at a local garage, and how I managed to open up my own business when Finn was a toddler. Bella seemed interested, even when the subject was beyond her understanding. I had the feeling she enjoyed hearing me talk as much as I enjoyed learning about her.

Life at home was undeniably easier than it had been. Well, easier may not be the correct term, but it was certainly less tense. I wasn't in awful moods any longer, thanks to Bella, but I also wasn't putting too much effort into my marriage, either. Don't get me wrong, I still treated Carissa well, I just stuck to my whole "friends" mindset. The guilt lingered, but with time, I became more comfortable with the arrangement.

Carissa was detached in her own way, but didn't nag me. She seemed content with her hobbies and interests, and we were able to develop an amicable flow. It wasn't as though we reduced our relationship to that of roommates, yet we weren't functioning in the tradition husband and wife manner, either. I accepted our marriage for what is was at the present time, and it seemed to me that she did, too. We still shared our bed, we still shared sentiments of love, and we continued our date night pattern. We were partners in parenting, and lovers on the side…occasionally.

Although I was interested in Bella for far more, she was simply my friend at the present time. We did not do anything more than talk, so I felt no need to over think that situation. I held out hope that Bella would allow me back into her life on a face-to-face basis, but until then, I would not berate myself for finding a friend and confidant in her.

I laid in bed a few weeks later staring at the ceiling. I was sick and run down, and Carissa had taken Finn to her parents' house for the day so that I could rest. What a way to spend a Saturday. I had already slept for so long I couldn't sleep anymore, but I was too achy and cranky to get out of bed. Nothing on television was holding my interest. I was bored out of my freaking mind. I rolled over toward my iHome and turned on some music.

"_Hold your hand into the sky  
Pray for mercy, instead of time  
So be my massacre, be my masochist, be my tease  
Cause you captivate me when you stand in front of me."_

Listening to the lyrics, I made a split second decision and picked up my phone to call Bella. Something about being a masochist made me think of her.

"Oh thank you so much! I'm stuck at my mom and dad's house all day for this lame party with all her friends and I am going nuts!" the voice on the other end said gratefully.

"Now I imagine you would break your mother's heart if she heard you say that, Bella," I quipped.

"Shit, Edward, you sound terrible. What's wrong with you?" Her voice softened with concern that made me smile.

I shrugged to no one. "I'm sick and bed ridden…and insanely bored."

"Well, that makes two of us. What's up?"

"Not a whole lot other than laying here in my own funk," I said honestly.

"Umm, gross. Thanks for sharing."

"You love it. But onward to more interesting conversations – what do you think of Evan's Blue?"

She paused for a moment, which I assumed meant she was thinking it over. "Honestly, I've only ever heard their stuff on the radio. I like that a lot, but I don't have much of an opinion beyond that."

"I'll burn you a copy," I promised. "You'll like it. It's not typical jaded rocker stuff. I think you would appreciate the variety in their lyrics."

"Hmm, burn me a copy, eh? Like you assume you're going to be seeing me sometime soon?" I couldn't tell if she was teasing me or shooting me down.

"I hope I will."

"Maybe."

"I can live with maybe. It's better than no."

"Right, so anyway…" she began, changing the subject. "Question time: You're stuck on a deserted island for the rest of your life. You can choice one artist or band to listen to forever, one book to read, and one television series. What do you choose?"

I responded quickly. "Easy. The Beatles, _A Light in the Attic, _and _The Office_."

"Seriously?" she asked in disbelief.

"Absolutely," I said. "The Beatles are classic, and the song content and style varies so much that there's something for every mood. Plus you said a band, not just an album, so I assume I would get the entire Beatles library."

"I accept that, but Shel Silverstein poems for your book?"

"Hell yes. Bella, you have obviously been out of elementary school too long and have forgotten the awesomeness of _Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me, Too_."

She giggled in response and recited the few lines of _Mrs. McTwitter_ back to me.

"See what I mean?" I asked. "I stand by my book choice. As for _The Office, _I shouldn't have to explain. That shit's just plain funny. You get comedy, love, drama, and pranks all in one show. There's nothing better."

"Okay, okay, I concede," she agreed.

"Aren't you going to give me yours? It was your question."

"No, I'm far too smart to get myself stuck on a deserted island. Plus I don't go anywhere without my iPod, so I'd have all the music and videos I want."

"You're a cheater," I laughed.

"Eh, it was my question."

We talked on and on like that about silly, pointless things for nearly three hours. At one point I had to pause to plug my phone into the charger, but our conversation continued. Bella informed me that Thai and Indian food are her favorites, especially the spicier varieties. She told me about favorite books from her childhood and how she would read under the covers with a flashlight after her parents put her to bed. She spoke passionately when I brought up world travel and asked her where in the world she would like to visit. I answered all of the same questions, as well, but I listened much more than I spoke. I loved hearing to her voice, and imagining the animation in her expressions with each new topic.

Eventually, Bella's mother came looking for her and asked that she go say goodbye to their guests. We reluctantly shared a few parting words, and before she could hang up I asked one final question.

"Bella, wait. Do you think…I was just wondering…It's been a while now, and I've loved taking these past weeks to get to know you. I want to see you. Please say yes."

"Oh…umm, Edward, I don't know," she said slowly.

"Why? What's the matter? We're friends, aren't we?" I insisted. "I only want to see you as your friend. I miss you."

She sighed softly, and I could hear her take a deep breath through the phone. "Friends? I…I want to see you, too, but you can't go pulling that shit on me like you did before."

"Never, I promise!"

"_If_ you promise and _if_ you remember that this was your idea, then I say yes."

I jumped up from my bed and threw one arm into the air victoriously. My elation was a little over the top, but I had spent week after week trying to earn Bella's trust back after fucking things up so royally last time. I wouldn't make that mistake again.

We spoke for a few more minutes, and eventually decided that we would meet and go up into the city for a few hours. It would be my opportunity to do something nice for her, and it would allow us to go somewhere that we could be alone and not have to worry about getting caught. Doing things in public was always difficult when we stayed close to home, but the options were endless in Seattle.

As soon as we were off the phone I laid back in my bed and began planning where I was going to take Bella the following weekend.

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**Endnotes: Now we're getting somewhere, eh?? Did you enjoy the fluffiness? **

**Many thanks to everyone who reads – you keep me going! Send me a little review and I will send you a sneak peak…and an overly wordy personal response to your thoughts & questions. Next up is Seattle!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**We finish up Chapter 10 here.**

**Keepingupwiththekids is the milk in my rice krispies – this wouldn't be any good without her!**

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This was it, the day I was finally going to see Bella again.

_Do these clothes look all right? Is my hair too crazy? Should I shave?_

_Fuck. Me. I sound like a damn woman._

My emotions owned me from the moment I woke up that morning. I was anxious, nervous, excited, horny, sullen, and scared. I told Bella this could just be a meeting of two friends, but I think we both knew that "just friends" didn't seem possible for us. There was too much attraction, too much heat to _not_ want her in that way. The thought that she might somehow feel different and turn me down if I made an advance was nearly heartbreaking.

_Note to self: check for balls, you fucking female._

Truly, I had no idea what I was supposed to be thinking.

The thought of being alone with Bella thrilled me. It also scared me to high heaven. What if she had been playing cool with me on the phone and now had some kind of expectations? I mean, I'm the one who forced myself back into her life. Maybe she'll take that as a cue to pursue more. She doesn't know what's been going on in my home since I met her. All she knows is how I've behaved and what I've said to her. Did she think I was going to leave Carissa now? Would she want me to do that?

_Fuck._

I had to be on guard today. I wanted to spend this time with Bella. I _needed_ to see her, but it was still frightening. If I couldn't keep myself in check, things could get dangerous. How could I understand her expectations when I didn't even understand my own?

I left the house in the afternoon under the guise of meeting a client in the city. Mike wasn't the only person I worked with on a business level. The majority of people who brought their vehicles to my garage were just doing so with their personal transportation, but I also had a few racing teams whose cars I serviced. My excuse to get out of the house was a viable one as far as my wife was concerned.

The moment I saw Bella, I was a mess. I automatically hugged her just to feel her body pressed against me and it seemed to surprise her. She eventually relaxed into my arms, but there was a certain hesitation that lingered. We had been talking on the phone and getting closer for several weeks, but the conversation in the car was strained. I hated it, and when we addressed it, it felt awkward. I admitted that I wanted to know what was going on inside her head, but she hedged. Finally, I cut to the chase and told her that I just wanted to spend the time with her without having to think about anything else. Just the two of us. It was a simple request. She agreed, and the tension eased.

Things were easier as we dined together. Fondue restaurants require a certain level of comfort and humor since they have the potential for being rather messy. We managed to enjoy ourselves immensely. Our conversation was light, and seeing the twinkle of happiness in Bella's deep brown eyes made my heart swell. The last time we'd been together, I had stolen that light from her, now I was putting it back. It felt good to make up for my past mistakes.

When the dessert course came, we ended up feeding each other between coy smiles and playful looks. A drop of chocolate dripped down her chin, and I wiped it away with my thumb. She took my finger into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it unnecessarily, and I was instantly hard. Her eyes were mischievous and the glow of the dark lights made her skin appear flawless and delicious. Thoughts of throwing her down on the table and claiming her flashed in my mind's eye.

"You know," she spoke slowly, "For two 'friends,' this feel an awful lot like a date."

I knew in the rational part of my mind that she was just being playful, but the irrational part won out as the words tumbled from my mouth. "It's _not_ a date," I hissed, pulling my hands away from her. I _knew_ I shouldn't have said it, but all the fear and stupidity was piled on top of my better senses. It was the same trigger as before…the assumption that she wanted something I couldn't give her.

In true Bella form, she fired back at me immediately. A part of me was proud of her for calling me out on my bullshit.

"Oh don't you dare start this shit with me again, Edward," she said fiercely.

I tugged at my hair nervously, trying to find the words to make this right. I wished I could take it all back and not upset her, but I could only move forward from here. "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea, okay?"

"Exactly what idea would that be?" she asked, glaring at me. I'm not too big of a man to admit I was a little frightened of her in that moment. "You call me non-stop until I agree to be your friend then take me to dinner and play erotic food games with me. _Please_ enlighten me."

"Bella." I wanted to tell her she was right. I wanted to tell her that I was an idiot and a jerk, but the words wouldn't come out. I was the worst kind of person, and for some reason, she was actually gracing me with her presence. What did I do? I fucked it up all over again. Once again, I acknowledge what a prick I am.

"Don't Bella me! You run so hot and cold with me I have absolutely no clue what this is or what you want from me. What do you want from me? Sex? Friendship? A kick in the ass?"

I was floored. She wanted answers. She wanted an explanation. She wanted to _understand._ Fuck! I wanted to understand, but there was nothing about the two of us that made sense! From the first moment I saw this woman I wanted her. There was some invisible force that drew us together. Once that bond was formed, I was a complete and utter mess. Life with Bella was chaos, but life without her was far worse. I had to fix this.

I let her last words sink in, and despite the angry expression on her face, I started laughing. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't. To my relief, she realized what she had said, and found the same humor in it. Her laughter intertwined with mine briefly, and a weight was lifted from our shoulders.

"You're infuriating," she said with a sigh.

"You're beautiful," I countered with a smile I couldn't hide.

We stared at each other across the table, and I tried to communicate my unspoken apology with my eyes. I wanted desperately to reach across the table and take her hand, but I hesitated for too long and she pulled it into her lap.

"What is all this?" she asked a few minutes later. Her delicate little hand waved back and forth between us. I understood the underlying question she didn't verbalize.

My resistance fell away, and my true thoughts came out against my own volition. "This," I mimicked her gesture, "is…I don't know. You're beautiful, funny, and caring…unlike anyone I've ever met. You've got an amazing body that you flaunt, yet when your clothes are off it's like you're waiting for approval. You don't see yourself clearly, Bella. You don't see how addictive your personality is or the way you can draw the attention of everyone in the room. I know you know you're hot and that you can get people to look at you and want you, but I don't think you understand how you _hold onto_ that attention. It's not just your tits and curves. It's something in your smile and your eyes, and you are irresistible."

I groaned, realizing all that I had just said, but I didn't want to stop. I raked my hands through my hair again, trying to will myself not to dig myself into a deeper hole, but also wanting to finish saying what I needed her to hear.

"I think about you constantly. I can't get you out of my head. When I'm away from you or not talking to you, you're always there. I want to hear about your day and talk about music because you always seem to pick out the lyrics that stab my heart. I want to see that smile you get when you blush, the one when you let your guard down. I want to see that intensity in your eyes when I make you feel so good that you scream my name. Damn, Bella, I just want any part of you I can get."

She looked scared. Scared as shit. And me? I was surprisingly relieved. It felt like I had been holding that all inside of me for so long, and now that I got it out I could breathe again. But Bella had me worried. She still hadn't responded.

"Bella? Are you in there?" I asked cautiously.

"Huh? Yeah," she mumbled. It was so low that I could barely hear her, and she refused to look at me.

I shoved some money into the bill folder, and walked around to Bella's chair. I tugged her up from her elbow and smiled at her. It felt like the first time I could _really_ smile at her. She knew my thoughts now, even if she didn't know what to do with them. What I knew was that I needed her. I wanted to show her the physical manifestation of the thoughts I had just shared.

We walked out to the car, and I was hard again…or still. My animal, baser instincts took over, and somehow I had crushed her body between a brick wall and mine. I held her face in my hands tightly, and kissed her hard. My tongue forced its way into her mouth and I took what I wanted. It was selfish, but I knew she craved this as much as I did. In each swipe of my tongue and lips against hers, I was giving myself over to her. My hands acted on their own accord, traveling downward and holding her in place. My mouth followed suit, finding her neck and devouring the sweet scent of Bella that I had been dreaming about for over a month.

_Mine_, the beast in me roared, but "I need to feel you, Bella," is what I verbalized. If it wasn't enough, I angled my body appropriately and forced my erection between her legs. Her body reacted accordingly, pressing back into me. A rush of excitement and desire swept over my entire body.

"Not here," she responded, pushing me away forcefully, and ducking out of my hold. I was left leaning against the wall, gasping for breath and trying to plot my next move.

She retreated, moving toward the parking lot, and I wrapped myself around her from behind. My mouth attached itself to her neck and shoulder, devouring whatever flesh I could find. We were soon in the backseat of my car, but how we got there was a blur. I know I spoke, though the words were forgotten as soon as they were said. All I knew was that we were contained within the privacy of my car, and this beautiful goddess was in my lap.

I tore her clothes away, stroking her flat stomach and grasping at her firm breasts. I ran a hand over her hip and up her smooth back until I was able to discard the scraps of lace she called a bra. I had never been happier to have a vehicle with blacked out windows.

"Fuck Bella…so amazing," I whispered, and we made quick work of the rest of our clothes. Well, as quickly as we could manage within the confines of my Volvo.

The tiny panties that accompanied her bra were so insignificant that I simply pushed them aside to get to her heat. She was hot and wet as my fingers plunged into her, and I wanted more than anything to be buried inside of her body. She stroked me in kind until I could take no more.

I verbalized my protest, and sheathed myself with care so that she could be mine. I lifted her up and positioned her opening over my anxious cock. In one swift move, she was mine, and I felt complete. My body instinctively pounded against her, and I relished each squeak and cry that she released. After a few moments, I was able to calm the beast within me and enjoy her slowly. Our eyes finally met, and my soul sighed in relief.

There were no words exchanged as her body writhed against mine. Our hands and eyes held a thousand silent conversations as my mind chanted her name. _This_ was exactly what I'd been missing for over a month. The rest of the world didn't matter when we were together. When her body was linked with mine, we were an impenetrable force. I savored every slide. Her tight beauty wrapped around my pulsing need was an incomparable pleasure. In time, she took the lead, guiding both of us to our peak and arching her body gracefully as she came apart in my arms. I held her tight, never releasing her from my hold.

We spoke words I can't remember, and smiled endlessly. Where I ended, she began, and came around full circle to me once more. I'd never felt this kind of connection or pleasure with a woman in my entire life. The realization was daunting, but I couldn't bring myself to resent it. I had waited too long to be with her again, and I wasn't sure I could ever let go. Those thoughts weren't realistic or reasonable, but I allowed them to linger in my mind regardless.

Eventually, we were forced to face reality and let go. We laughed at the awkward task of putting our clothes back on, and the ease I felt with her was refreshing. There was no trying anymore. We had reconnected, and now we could just be. A new dawn had certainly risen, and though I didn't know where we would go from here, I knew the tension was all behind us.

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**Endnotes: Right...so not a lot of new material, but at least we're seeing things from his perspective. The next few updates will be 100% new material, though - in the form of happy little lemons. You deserve them after all the angsty stuff lately! xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Special thoughts to Dolphin62598 for loving the garage sex…and to anyone else who has ever fantasized about Paul Walker and/or Vinn Diesel 0=)  
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**I hope you enjoy this first installment of feel-good smut. This falls into that happy time period Bella fails to detail in the main story…lucky for us Edward is a man and wants to talk sexy times. I wouldn't say it's directly after Chapter 10, but maybe 3 or 4 weeks later. There were about 2 ½ months Bella skipped.**

**Keepingupwiththekids betas like whoa & she has the sweetest phone voice eva'.**

**SM owns it. Edward owns me. I own a new Twilight keychain =D**

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"Hellooooo!" a voice called from the doorway behind me.

_She came_, I thought happily. I invited Bella over, knowing I'd be out of the house most of the day wanting to take advantage of an opportunity to see her.

"Hey!" I called back, setting my tools down and turning toward Bella. I wiped my greasy hands on my white tee shirt, leaving black streaks in their wake. "Let me hop down."

I was in Mike's garage doing some tune-ups on one of his trucks while he was out of town. I stood on a specially designed platform to work up at this height. It was a type of scaffolding made for this kind of work.

"No, stay up there and finish. I can wait," she replied.

I watched as she removed her jacket and looked around the garage. "Wow, this is big. I mean, it looks like a barn from the outside, but from in here it's like a warehouse!"

"Big trucks require a big space," I replied with a chuckle. Her eyes were like saucers as she took in all the trucks, equipment, tools, and spare parts.

To me this was nothing. I had spent a lot of time in garages and repair shops since I was young, so the novelty of it had worn off for me.

"Make yourself at home," I added. "You're welcome to look around or put on some music."

We chatted in a friendly manner as I continued to work and she toured the garage. She asked many questions about the trucks and shows, informing me that she had only ever seen them on television. I laughed, telling her that Finn had probably been to a dozen or more shows in his short life.

There was a lull in our conversation, but I was so focused on my work that it didn't faze me until I heard the music change. I looked down at Bella, who was standing by the stereo with my iPod in her hand.

"Interesting choice."

"Is this all right?" she asked. "I could change it if you want something more upbeat."

I shook my head and smiled. "No, it's fine. It's on there, so you know it's something I like."

"Good," she said simply. A satisfied grin stretched across her lips, and her eyes twinkled. I could never get over how the littlest things about this woman affected me. She was breathtaking. "Umm, Edward? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I shook my head, drawing myself out of my adoring thoughts and back to reality.

"Oh, nothing. Well, just you. I can't help staring, beautiful."

She smiled shyly, diverting her eyes from mine momentarily and staring at the floor. It amused me that she still got all coy with me at times, but it was also incredibly charming.

I smiled, silently returning to my work and listening to her musical selection.

"_The sky is darker, the nights are longer,_

_When will this hunger collide?_

_I need to taste you, I want to fill you,_

_Where is my love tonight?"_

I looked up a few moments later when I heard a bumping sound in front of me. Perched on the roof of the truck, sitting cross-legged was Bella. She wore a self-satisfied smirk as she looked down on me.

"Where the hood?" she asked.

I gestured to my left with the wrench in my hand. "We take them off when I do this kind of work. It's a lot easier to have full lighting and access."

"I see," she nodded. "So what exactly are you working on?"

"How much do you know about automobile mechanics?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Absolutely nothing!"

I smiled back at her. "Then I guess there wouldn't be much use of me explaining it to you."

"No, please! I like to hear you talk about this stuff," she said. I could see the sincerity in her eyes. "You're in your element right now…all manly and sexy with your greasy hands and your dirty clothes."

"Okay, you need to stop, or I'll never get this finished."

"My bad!" She held her hands up in front of her defensively. "I'm just here to keep you company. Now are you going to tell me about this stuff or what?"

"Sure, if you'd like." I couldn't stop smiling at her. She brought it out in me. "All right, see this right here…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I did as she asked, and told her about the repairs and adjustments I was making on the truck. I gave her a detailed explanation as I worked, and she watched me the entire time. Sometimes she would ask questions to try to understand; other times she looked completely confused. It was so sweet. She knew pretty much nothing about cars, admitting that she simply followed the maintenance schedule in the owner's manual of her car. She told me that Rosalie was something of a muscle car buff, but that she always felt like their minds worked differently when it came to understanding such things. I couldn't fault her for that; some people were wired for this particular interest and others simply were not.

When I was satisfied with my work, I had Bella get into the driver's seat and start the truck. Without taking it out of the garage for a test run, I felt fairly certain everything was fine. If I'd wanted, I _could_ have done that, but I was much more interested in spending time with Bella while I still could today. Mike could call me this week if anything else on the truck needed tweaking.

I climbed down from the platform and started putting away all the tools I'd been using. "Do you want to go in the house and play pool?" I asked with my back to Bella. When she didn't respond, I turned around and scanned the room for her. "Bella? Where'd you – oh damn…"

There she was, sitting on the hood of one of the other trucks – in the sexiest lingerie I'd ever seen on her. It was pink, lace and completely sheer, and the color was surprisingly lovely against her skin. The bottoms were tiny half shorts, and the bar created delectable cleavage with a ribbon bow between her breasts. She was stunning, and my dick agreed.

"You like?" she purred, low and sultry. Her accompanying smirk was devious and determined. I could feel the lust pouring off both of us and filling the air.

"Bell, that is the stupidest fucking thing you've ever asked me," I said seriously. "Now get your ass down here."

"Hmm…" she tapped her chin with a single finger and looked over the front of the truck. "I think I need help."

I stepped closer, reaching my arms up and smiling. She slid her body down slowly, balancing her feet on the front bumper carefully before jumping into my arms. They wrapped snugly around the top of her thighs, placing the thin elastic of her panties directly in front of my mouth. I nipped at the fabric and kissed her stomach.

"Woman, I swear you stepped out of a Victoria's Secret catalog and into my dreams," I said as the length of her body slid down mine. As her breasts came to my face, she skillfully wrapped her legs around my waist.

I took one of her nipples into my mouth over the sheer fabric, and hummed with delight as it pebbled under my tongue. Her back arched in response, thrusting her chest toward me further. I switched to the other side and bit down lightly.

"Holy shit," she groaned breathily.

I smiled against her perfect tits. "You like that, huh?"

"I like everything you do," she affirmed with a wide smile.

I grinned back and smacked her ass in response, the sharp sound echoing through the garage. She shrieked and jolted in surprise, but I kept a firm grasp on her body.

"So where in this garage are you going to fuck me?" she asked. Her mouth attached to my neck, licking and sucking as I surveyed the large room.

"Where would you like me to?" Both of my hands were under her ass, massaging her firm flesh with my fingers, and creeping toward her center.

"Hmm…" her lips vibrated against my neck as she considered my question. The sensation sent shivers down my spine. "Fuck, I don't even care. Over there on that table?"

I quickly carried her over to the worktable she mentioned, and placed her right on the edge. She began tugging at my clothes, but I stopped her abruptly.

"Shit, Bella. I'm getting you all dirty."

She looked down, and we both examined the black streaks and fingerprints that covered her skin and lingerie from my mechanic's hands.

To my surprise, she didn't look upset about the state of her undergarments. She was smiling deviously at me. "That is…So. Fucking. Sexy," she purred before attacking my lips with hers. Seeing Bella so turned on only served to do the same for me, and I discarded my own clothes immediately. The last of hers came off as well.

I continued kissing her, pulling her lower lip in my teeth and tracing her jaw line with my tongue. As I did so, my hands skimmed up and down her thighs, teasing. When I finally came to the apex, my movements froze.

"Baby, my hands. I don't want to touch you with all this stuff on me." She looked down at my hands and cringed at the sight of my blackened fingers near her most sensitive places. "Are you wet enough for me?" I whispered in her ear.

She pulled back and I watched her expression change to a smirk. As she brushed my hands aside with her own she said," Why don't you let me find out?"

I stared in awe as her middle finger trailed down her sex and disappeared beneath her tender lips. She only lingered a few moments, but when she pulled it out, I could see it glistening in the light. My cock jumped as she slowly drew it up toward her mouth. I licked my lips subconsciously, but when the finger was almost to her mouth, she shook her head. Instead, my little tease brought her hand to my mouth and slipped it between my lips. I hungrily swirled my tongue around her slender finger, lapping up her delicious juices and wishing for more. My hands were everywhere, stroking and scratching at her hot flesh. Her free hand moved to my more than ready erection and hooked around the head. Hums and moans filled the garage, the evidence of pleasure we were both experiencing.

"You're such a little tease," I growled. "A dirty little tease," I added, making a reference to the black smudges across her skin.

"Then give me a condom and I won't tease you anymore."

Moments later, I was right where I wanted to be. Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as I stood before her, grasping her hips and pounding away. Part of me wanted to worship the goddess before me, but her increasingly loud cries of ecstasy told me not to stop.

In the background I heard the first song Bella had put on earlier and realized that the album must have been playing a repeat loop. I closed my eyes, concentrating on every sensation that flowed through me as I was inside Bella. The sensual lyrics filled the air, and I wondered if she noticed them as well.

"_Tell me what you'll find_

_Tell me what it is_

_That draws you to the darkness, into the wilderness_

_Baby wake your heart before the rising sun_

_Reveals that you are choosing blood for love" _

"Do you hear that?" I whispered in her ear before sucking the tender lobe between my lips. "Listen to those words. Do you hear, my little lyricist?"

"Yes, Edward…oh god, yes," she panted.

I sang the current line into the same ear I had been kissing. "_I need to taste you, I want to feel you. Where is my love tonight?"_

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna…ahh.." she cried out as I felt her middle tremble with her climax. She was so beautiful when she came.

One of my hands rose to stroke her wild hair back, and the other held her in place with my thrusting. "Does singing to you make you come, baby? That's so fucking hot."

"Yes."

"Yes what, Isabella?"

"Yes…you singing makes me come!" Her thoughts were cut off by a series of uncontrollable moans.

"I'm almost there, baby," I said. "Wrap those sexy legs around my waist so I can get deep inside you. Come with me."

She did as I commanded, and I sang to her again until I could no longer form the words. She fell apart with me, and I collapsed against her with my hands on the table and my forehead against hers.

Examining her body as I pulled away, I saw that she was absolutely filthy from my hands.

"I think it's time I clean you up. Would you mind a little dip in the hot tub?"

* * *

**Endnotes:**

**The music Bella puts on an artist named Lee Hester who is local to my city. It is significant, not only for the lyrics, but also because it's not the usual rock music that Edward and Bella discuss. You should give it a listen on MySpace at /leehester30in30. The song quoted is called _Blood for Love_ and the full song lyrics are below:**

_the trees are showing a brand new season is coming  
the wind is blowing around the leaves are falling  
the sky is darker, the nights are longer  
when will this hunger collide  
i need to taste you, i want to feel you  
where is my love tonight_

_tell me what you'll find  
tell me what it is  
that draws you to the darkness, into the wilderness  
baby wake your heart, before the rising sun  
reveals that you are choosing blood for love_

_the day is ending, another one is beginning  
the light is shining into my view it's so blinding  
the cold air is killing whatever it's touching  
leaves nothing living behind  
i need to know you i want to be with you  
my love where are you this time_

_tell me what you'll find  
tell me what it is  
that draws you to the darkness, into the wilderness  
baby wake your heart, before the rising sun  
reveals that you are choosing blood for love_

_the trees are showing a brand new season is coming  
the wind is blowing around the leaves are falling  
the sky is darker, the nights are longer  
when will this hunger collide  
i need to taste you, i want to feel you  
where is my love tonight_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**A googolplex of thanks to keepingupwiththekids for beta'ing for me & half of fandom.**

**More lemonade. Guest POV at the beginning of this chapter…enjoy it! Thanks to rms33 for the idea!**

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"Rose! Have you seen Gemma?" Bella yelled at me over the pounding drums and driving guitars.

I shook my head and mouthed, "no" to her. Holding a finger up to signal for her to wait a moment, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket.

"Fuck!" I yelled to no one. My battery was dead, and I didn't have Gemma's cell phone number memorized.

Gemma was another bartender I worked with who had begged me and Bella to come with her to see this band play tonight. She promised to be the designated driver and pay our cover charges if we came.

It turns out Gemma actually had plans to meet a guy here – a guy she had been talking to on Match(dot)com. She spilled that shortly after we arrived, and within minutes of meeting that guy, the two were making out on a barstool. That was the last time either of us had seen her…over an hour ago. Now Bella and I were drunk at a bar forty-five minutes from home with no way to contact Gemma – and no ride home. A taxi would cost a fortune.

To make matters worse, Felix, Jacob, and the rest of the guys were in Seattle for a guy's weekend. One of their buddies just got out of the Army, and they were partying in the city before going to the Seahawks game on Sunday.

We were so screwed. Our only option left seemed to be calling our parents, and frankly, that was just embarrassing. I think I'd rather walk.

"Hand me your phone!" I yelled to Bella. I waved the blank screen of my cell at her and gave her a thumbs down. She pulled hers from her pocket and handed it to me.

I opened her contacts list and scrolled through, trying to brainstorm a good option for us to get home. I came to a name that had me scheming. If this worked, I could give Bella a great surprise _and_ get us home safely.

"Go sit at the bar," I instructed. "Don't move! I'm going outside to make a couple calls, and I don't want to lose you!"

She nodded, kissing me on the cheek and heading for the bar. I made my way outside, placed the call, and secured my plan. When I came back in, Bella was sitting in a stool talking to a couple who looked much too young to be in a bar.

"Rosie!" she yelled, wrapping her arms around my neck. I giggled at her excitement, carefully extricating her octopus arms from around me. "These are my new friends Embrey and Leah!" She waved a hand at the smiling youngsters. "They go to my old high school! Can you believe it? Small world!"

The guy, Embrey apparently, leaned over and jovially reminded her not to announce that they were there with fake IDs, while Leah leaned into me.

"Your friend is really drunk!" she laughed.

"That's my girl," I nodded. Bella interrupted before I could say anything else.

"Ooh, Rose! Leah gave us candy necklaces!" she announced, holding two of the colorful strings in front of us. She pushed one over her head, getting it caught in her hair in the process. Once she managed to right it, she reached over and pulled the other one over my head.

"Thanks," I smiled at Leah. "I haven't had one of these in years." Leah grinned in response as Embrey attacked her neck to take a bite from the necklace she was wearing.

I continued to laugh at the entire silly situation. Bella was drunk and happy, and our new little friends weren't so bad. With our ride on the way, maybe this night would end well after all.

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_**EPOV**_

I was sitting in the den watching some boring drama film with Carissa when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

_Who is calling me at nearly eleven o'clock on a Friday?_

I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. "It's Mike," I lied. It came so naturally these days. "I'm going to take it in the other room."

"Do you want me to pause the movie?" Carissa asked, not even looking at me.

"No," I replied. "I'm not that into it anyway."

Once out of my wife's earshot, I answered the call. "Hey, what's going on?" This was an unusual time to receive a call from Bella, all things considered.

"Edward?" the voice on the other line asked. _Not Bella._

"Umm, yeah?"

"It's Rosalie."

"Oh hey," I said, not repeating her name, just in case Carissa was listening.

"I'm really sorry to bother you, but Bella and I are kind of stranded. Is there any way you could help us out?" She went on to explain where they were and how they got themselves into their predicament.

There was no question what I would do. I was bored out of my mind on a Friday night, and I could easily come up with an excuse to get out of the house. I ended the call in agreement, and returned to the den.

"Hey Riss," I called from the doorway.

She tilted her head toward me, but her eyes remained on the television screen. "Hmm?"

"That was Mike. He's got a show tomorrow, and there's an emergency with one of the trucks. Do you mind if I go over there to help him?" I only asked as a formality. Her response wouldn't change my mind.

"No, go ahead," she said nonchalantly. "Just don't drink too much while you guys are working."

She was much more accepting than she should be. I knew it was because she trusted me, but I couldn't find much guilt in that anymore. "Are you sure? I can go early in the morning." I didn't mean that, but I added it for good measure.

"It's fine. Go now. I want us to go to Home Depot in the morning to pick out new paint colors for the guest room."

"Thanks, hun. Good night." I quickly walked over to kiss the top of her head. I was off to see my girl.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I paid the cover charge at the door, and proceeded inside to find Bella and Rosalie. The music was loud, and the bass drum was obviously over amplified, creating heavy reverberation on the floor. I looked around for a few minutes and finally spotted them near the bar. They were doing a bright blue shot with a girl who had short, dark hair. A young guy stood beside them with a bottle of water in his hand.

Rosalie saw me and waved, but I put a finger up in front of my mouth. She told me on the phone that Bella didn't know she was calling me. If this was going to be a surprise, I wanted to make the most of it.

Bella's hair was pulled back into a long ponytail, and she was wearing some strange looking chocker around her neck. As I got closer, I realized what it was.

_Fuck me. She's wearing a candy necklace._

Rosalie stepped aside as I came up behind Bella. She had a mischievous grin, and signaled their two other companions to keep quiet.

I bent down and attached my mouth to Bella's neck over the necklace. She stiffened instantly and tried to move away, but I wrapped my arms around her to hold her down. A long sleeve shirt covered my arms, so she wouldn't immediately know it was me by my tattoos. I carefully bit off a few pieces of candy, and then dragged my tongue up to her ear.

"What the fuck?" she yelled, still struggling against my firm grasp.

"You taste so much better than this candy, but I'll gladly eat this whole thing off your neck if you let me," I said, pushing my hot breath into her ear.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "Edward!"

I loosened my hold as she turned to face me. Her smile was exuberant, and I returned it with absolute sincerity.

"Bella, my dear, you are drunk." I gave her what she calls my crooked grin just to see the effect it would have on her.

"What are you doing here? Oh my gosh! Kiss me!"

Before I could fulfill her request myself, her mouth was on mine, ravaging my lips. She tasted like vodka and sweet mixers, and it made me smile against her. This was Bella in her element – with her friends, having fun, completely free.

She pulled away abruptly and studied my face. I watched her blink a few times before she spoke. "Seriously, Edward. What are you doing here?"

"I heard Cinderella was stranded at the ball with no carriage to get home. I couldn't allow that, could I?" I said playfully.

Her eyes darted between Rosalie and me several times before she grinned and pressed her lips to my ear. "Fuck me, Prince Charming."

"Gladly," I replied. "But are you sure you want to leave already? We can stay a little longer if you'd like."

"Who said anything about leaving? I told you to fuck me. _Now_."

_Hot damn, drunk and horny. I've died and gone to Heaven._

"Where?" I asked.

"Follow me," she grabbed my hand and turned to her friends. "Stay here. We'll be back."

She led me through the crowd until we came to a dark hallway. We passed two restroom doors, and proceeded to a door that said, "Employees and Bands Only." With a quick peak around, she pushed through the swinging door, pulling me with her. At the end of the corridor, we could see the room where the bands and their crew were hanging out. Before we got that far, Bella stopped at a door with a keypad over the knob.

"What is this?" I whispered.

She gave me a huge grin and bit her lip. "I heard one of the bartenders telling the other one the code earlier." She punched in a series of numbers and opened the door to reveal a large stock room full of kegs, cases of bottled beer, and liquor. Once inside, she slammed the door closed and pushed me against it.

"You are crazy…and amazing," I said softly before my lips crashed down on hers.

She was animalistic, and as I instantly hardened, I realized that I _really_ liked drunken Bella. She hastily had my pants and boxers down, and began stroking me hard. I felt her nimble fingers swipe over the tip and spread the moisture with each pump. Her wrist twisted back and forth as she moved along my length, causing me to groan at the sensation.

"Fuck baby, I need more than your hands wrapped around me."

"Then fuck me, Prince Charming. I want you buried so deep in me you never want to come out," she said in a determined, low voice. She removed her hands from me and unbuttoned her jeans. "I want you to make me scream your name so loud everyone out there hears me over the band."

_Oh sweet heavens, drunk Bella is a dirty talker._

"What are you doing to me, Bella? You keep talking like that and you won't be able to walk right for days." She had resumed stroking me and sucking on my neck while I tugged on her tiny excuse for a shirt.

The fingernails of her free hand scraped across my stomach, around my hips, and onto my ass, finally pulling me closer to her. I instinctually thrust into her hand. "Talk like what?" she said not so innocently. "Like telling you how fucking sexy you are? How I want to pull your pretty hair when I come all over you? How my panties were instantly wet when you surprised me earlier because my body knew it was you before my mind did? Do you like it when I tell you those things?"

"Aah…yes!" I screamed. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to have her. I shoved two fingers into her while my other hand pushed against her shoulder, backing her into a stack of boxes. I pulled out of her, lifting her by the ass onto the stack. She was at the perfect height, and I was going to take her right there. "I love that dirty mouth of yours." I sheathed myself and plunged into her scorching hot core. My right hand fisted her ponytail, yanking her head back to grant me access to her neck.

"Yes!" she squealed. "You feel so good inside of me. Do you like how I feel?"

"God yes," I groaned. "Now I'm going to bite every last candy off this necklace."

I tilted my head down, placing my mouth over the round little candies and biting them off the string. I licked and sucked at her neck as I did so, pausing to crunch some of them between my teeth. I kissed her hard with mouthfuls of sugar, transferring pieces from my tongue to hers. We laughed and moaned interchangeably as I grasped the back of her thighs and pumped into her. Back and forth between her neck and mouth, much of the candy was spit on the floor around us. When it was all gone, I focused my attention on driving into her and making her scream.

I was rough and hard, fulfilling each request that fell from her naughty lips. Glass bottles rattled in cases beneath her ass, eliciting more laughter from both of us as we fucked.

"Let me up," she said suddenly, trying to push me back.

I froze. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" I asked in a panic.

"No, baby. I want you from behind. Let me turn around."

"Nuh uh," I shook my head as I resumed rocking my hips. "You feel too good like this."

Her hand wrapped tightly around the base of my cock on an outward stroke, and I instantly froze again.

"You told me to talk dirty to you, so I'm telling you to bend me over these cases of beer and fuck me senseless while you grab my tits." Her voice was forceful and stern. There was no question what I had to do.

I kissed her hard, bit her lip, and then I pulled her to her feet. She turned around and laid her hands flat against the stack of boxes. When I had repositioned myself in her, I growled at how tight she was at this angle. My hands moved to cup her breasts, eliciting a musical cry of pleasure as I squeezed them roughly.

"Just like that, Edward," she said, but every preceding sound she made was a loud, high-pitched cry.

I kneaded her breasts hard, pinching her nipples and twisting her firm flesh in my hands. They were the perfect size for me to wrap my long, musician's fingers around, and I knew she loved everything I was doing to her. When her moans became faster and breathier, I could tell I had her on the edge. I thrust hard and fast, and took both of her nipples between my thumbs and forefingers.

"Scream for me, Bella. I want to hear you above that music out there," I demanded.

I pinched down harder, and her arms gave out. She was propped over the boxes on her elbows as I drove her into a body quaking orgasm.

"Oh god, Edward! _Edward_!"

Baby made good on her promise. Hearing my name come out of her mouth that way was enough to undo me.

"That's right, Bella. Unhhhh…."

She completely collapsed onto the boxes, but I pulled her back up to me. I turned around to kiss her, and brought her down to the floor with me. I positioned my back against some other boxes and wrapped her up in my arms. She sat comfortably in my lap as we both panted and came down from our high.

"You…" she breathed.

"Yes, Cinderella?"

I felt her body tremble in my arms as giggles filled the air around us. She didn't say anything at first, but she tipped her head up to kiss me sweetly.

"That was unbelievable," she said, stroking my cheek. "All the while there are 200 people out there."

I gave her a firm squeeze and sighed into her now-sloppy ponytail.

"Hey Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think that red light is?"

"Red light?" My head whipped in the direction she was looking. "Oh fuck. That's a security camera!"

We both scrambled to our feet and found our discarded clothes. Bella was laughing hysterically and could barely pull her jeans back on without falling. Once we were fully dressed, I looked out into the corridor and determined that we were safe to leave. I grabbed her hand, and we ran down the hall until we were out near the restrooms. We each made a quick stop before we went back out to the bar.

Rosalie was still there with Leah and Embrey, and she gave us a knowing grin. I noticed her staring at Bella's chest, so I looked, too. Easily visible in her low cut top were numerous red lines and scratches from my fingers. I wrapped Bella in a hug to cover her and whispered in her ear.

"Why don't you put on my button up, baby?"

"Why?" she asked, oblivious to her best friend's snickers.

"Look down," I gestured with my chin. She did, and her face immediately flushed with color.

"Oh! Yes, your shirt would be good!"

After she was suitably covered, I remembered why we fled from the stock room.

"Umm, Bella, Rosalie, we should go."

Rosalie looked between Bella and I, finally keeping her gaze planted on Bella and giving her a pointed stare. Bella got close to Rosalie's ear, and when Rose covered her mouth with her hand, I knew Bella had told her about the camera.

"Yeah, let's get you two porn stars out of here," she smirked. "We'll never come back to this bar!"

We all laughed, said goodbye to Embrey and Leah, and went out to my car. I was surprised when Rosalie asked for a recap…and Bella told her everything. I mean _everything_. I just kept shaking my head and tugging at my hair as I drove.

"Edward, you need to relax," Rosalie told me. I could see her look of amusement in my rearview mirror.

"Riiiiiight," I replied sarcastically.

"Oh come on," she continued. "Bella would tell me all of this later, anyway. At least now you know she only says good things about you."

I glanced at Bella, who just giggled and nodded her head.

"If it makes you feel any better I can talk about Felix and me," Rosalie offered. "Oh, Bella! We got this new book of positions…"

I shook my head, turning the music up to drown out her voice. Bella reached over and placed her hand on my leg, softly stroking back and forth. I laid my hand over hers until we arrived at Rosalie's house. The girls said their good nights, and I took Bella back to her apartment.

"Will you come in for a while?" she asked me. She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively, which made me smile. Bella was an adorable drunk.

"Well, I _am_ over at Mike's house helping with emergency repairs on his truck. I think it will take me a little bit longer to fix the problem."

"If you're fixing things, I seem to have a problem under _my_ hood. Why don't you come check it out and see if you can remedy my problem?"

"Lead the way, Cinderella."

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**Endnotes: So there you have it, a little more PWP (porn without plot). I hope you liked Dirty Talking Bella =)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**I dedicate this chapter to keepingupwiththekids who beta'd this bad boy almost 2 months ago, and has been drinking Blue Moon ever since =) **

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It was another Tuesday poker night, and I had plans to meet Bella at her apartment. I told the guys I couldn't make it because I needed the night away from Carissa to plan a surprise dinner for her the following night. Believing my excuse, they agreed to cover for me and not mention to any of the wives that I skipped out on our weekly guys night. Yes, it was an absolutely shitty thing to do, but I wanted to spend as much time with Bella as possible. The time I had with her was never enough, but at least tonight we would have a few hours to share.

I pulled up to her apartment and cringed at the sight of her neighbors bickering on their porch. They were both looking a little rough, and it was obvious that they were already drunk. Cigarette butts and litter were scattered all around the sidewalks. I hated that she lived in this kind of neighborhood. Bella did not belong here, but it wasn't my place to tell her where she should or should not live. She would never say it, but I was certain that she didn't like me coming over to her apartment. Although I felt disdain for her living arrangements, I never judged her by her circumstances. She had told me about renting this cheap apartment as a broke college graduate, and I knew that she would not be here if she could help it. Regardless, all that mattered to me was the time I got to spend with her, not aesthetics of her building.

She greeted me at the door, and I handed her the pizza I had brought. I followed her into the kitchen and put the six-pack of Blue Moon into her refrigerator. Once we were both empty-handed, I turned to her and she flung her arms around my neck. I pulled her flush against me by her firm ass, and we locked into an excited kiss. I could feel her smile against my mouth, and the thought of bringing that smile to her face made me smile, too.

"Did you pick up some DVDs?" I asked after breaking away and looking down at her.

"Uh huh," she said with a mischievous look I couldn't quite interpret. Knowing Bella, I was probably about to get Notebooked or subjected to some cheesy '80s movie I had seen too many times to count.

"What did you get?" I asked curiously. Her smirk did not fade as she ignored me and took two plates out of the cupboard. "You're not going to tell me?"

"Nope!" she declared with a wink in my direction. "You'll just have to wait and see. Let's eat first."

I grabbed two beers from the six-pack I brought and opened them for us while she placed a slice of pizza on each plate. We sat together talking while we ate, and headed into her living room when we were finished. I sat on the couch waiting for her to show me the movie choices.

She held her hands behind her back and swayed her hips in a manner that was both cute and seductive. She wore cut off sweats and a zip-up hoodie, but she looked as gorgeous as ever to me.

"The first choice is…_Finding Nemo_!" she announced proudly as she pulled the movie from behind her.

I groaned and shook my head at her. "You're joking, right? You do realize I've seen the movie approximately ten thousand times."

"Well then," she said slowly, "Perhaps you'll like this one better." She pulled the second case out and flung it at me. It landed squarely in my lap, and when I saw what it was I'm pretty sure I blushed.

"_9 ½ Weeks?_" I asked incredulously.

Her tinkling little giggle was sweet and saucy as she skipped over to pluck the movie from my hands. "What? It's a good movie," she said innocently.

My arms whipped up and wrapped around her waist before she could jump away from me. I pulled her into my lap and kissed her warm neck. "You are a manipulative little vixen, you know that?"

"Hey, I gave you options. We can watch Nemo if you're uncomfortable watching something with mature subject matter," she teased.

I dug my fingertips into her ticklish sides, and she squirmed in my lap. "No Nemo. Let's watch some smut."

"It's not smut. It is a cult classic, thank you very much," she said in mock seriousness as she lifted herself off my lap and stood in front of her entertainment stand.

We settled onto the sofa together as the movie began, and Bella curled up at my side. She sat up to fast forward through the musical intro, and then sat at the end of couch with her legs across my lap. I laid my hands on her bare calves, absentmindedly stroking them up and down until she shifted again. This time she sat right next to me and put her hand on my thigh. She squirmed for a few more moments until I placed a hand on her leg to still her.

"Bella, what's the problem?" I asked.

"I can't get comfortable," she said with little pout on her full lips. I inwardly groaned and outwardly licked my own lips.

"Is there something I can do to help?" I offered.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes and bit her bottom lip. "My neck is killing me. Would you mind giving me a little massage?"

I laughed briefly and stroked her cheek. "You should have said something sooner. No, I don't mind the shameless opportunity to touch you."

It was her turn to blush as she shrugged out of her sweatshirt and revealed a simple teal tank top. She clearly wasn't wearing a bra with it, but the inner lining kept her firm breast perky within the tiny excuse for a shirt. A hint of midriff was exposed with the combination of low slung sweatpants. I swiped a single finger across her exposed skin before she settled onto the floor in front of me. My legs were spread apart so that she could sit between them, and she placed her hands casually on my feet. While the temptation to carry her into the bedroom and ravage her immediately was strong, I knew that she was truly in pain. I wanted to do what I could to help. I suppressed my urges momentarily, and ran my fingers through her silky hair.

"Can you put your hair up?" I requested, and she took an elastic band from her wrist to secure her chestnut locks in a messy bun on top of her head. I smoothed my hands down the sides of her neck and let them rest on top of her shoulders. "Tell me if it's too hard. I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry," she said as she twisted her head back slightly to look at me. "I like it hard." A brief giggled burst from her lips before she turned back to watch the movie.

I suppressed another urge to take her now and went to work on her neck and shoulders.

As the movie played on and the sexual tension grew between the lead characters, I deftly moved my hands along Bella's smooth, warm skin. My thumbs rubbed firm circles into her shoulder blades and upper back, and my fingertips ran up and down all sides of her neck. When I pressed and kneaded along her spine, she whimpered in a delicate mixture of pleasure and pain.

"God, Edward this feels so good," she kept saying between moans and happy sighs. The only way to restrain myself was to continue my ministrations, but in doing so I only became more aroused. It was a vicious circle and a heavy double edged sword. I was certain we wouldn't make it through the entire movie.

My suspicions were all but confirmed when the ice scene began. Between the feel of Bella's skin, the little noises she was making, and the erotic torture on the screen, we were both on edge. Bella shifted on the floor and drew her knees to her chest. My hands slowed involuntarily until they were still on her neck. I briefly tore my eyes from the screen and peered over Bella's shoulder to see her biting her lip yet again. Needing a distraction, I reached for my beer bottle and took a sip. That's when it came to me.

I slowly lowered the chilled bottle toward Bella and pressed it against the side of her neck. She gasped in surprised, but her body reflexively arched so that her breasts shot out and her head tipped back toward me.

"Mmm…" she moaned, which I took as encouragement. I slowly rolled the bottle around the back of her neck, bringing it around to the other side. Her head tipped to opposite side to allow me greater access. At the same time her arms wrapped around my calves and began rubbing up and down with her thumb digging in harder than her fingers. I continued to slide the cold glass across her bare shoulders and collarbone as we watched the on screen teasing unfold before us.

By the time that scene ended I couldn't take it anymore. I reached down to the hem of Bella's tank top and pulled it up over her head. With the offending garment abandoned across the room somewhere, I resumed the beer bottle torture, sliding it between her breasts. Her hands froze and squeezed my legs, and a breathy, musical moan escaped her lips. Her delicate skin was flushed with excitement, and I wanted nothing more than to devour every inch of it with my tongue. But first the teasing.

I watched her hips rock slightly on the floor, and mine shifted forward in response. I took my seduction to the next level and rolled the bottle across the inner slope of her left breast until it grazed her nipple. She was panting now, so I increased the pleasure for both of us by leaning down and attacking her neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses. I lapped up the moisture that had been left there by the bottle, tasting a hint of salt mixed in with it. It was then that I noticed the way her skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat. She was undeniably excited, and I internally patted myself on the back for getting these reactions out of her. I moved the bottle to her other nipple, and used my free hand to massage the abandoned breast.

"Fuck I want you," she whispered. Her head turned toward my busy mouth, and I pulled it off her neck to connect our lips in a much anticipated kiss.

Moments later she scrambled out of my grasp and spread a throw blanket across the living room floor. I descended on her as she tugged on my shirt and yanked it over my head. She pulled at my jeans, and I finished the task, leaving my boxers on for a little longer. I pushed her back onto the blanket until she was lying down. I made quick work of her sweatpants, groaning when I noticed she wasn't wearing anything underneath them. Picking up my beer bottle, which had been temporarily set aside, I brought it back to her flat stomach.

She was grabbing at the elastic of my boxers and reaching for my obvious erection, but I deflected each of her attempts and went back to work. "It's my time to play," I warned. She let her arms splay over her head while giving me and exasperated huff.

I touched the bottle to the hollow of her neck and traced a slow, vertical line down between her breasts until I reached the invisible line where her panties would normally sit. Her hips bucked upward when the cold glass touched her lower belly, but I didn't stop. While straddling her toned legs, I tipped the bottle slightly and allowed a thin stream of beer to pour out into her navel. Little droplets splashed and overflowed across her taunt skin, and I dove in to lap it all up with my tongue. She moaned a string of incoherent words that may have included a combination of the Lord's name and my own. Her hands had made their way to my hair, and I found myself being held against her hot flesh.

My tongue reversed the earlier trail of my bottle until my face was between the perky little tits I wanted to devour. Leaning up slightly, I touched the bottom of the bottle to her nipple again, following it with a quick swipe of my tongue. On the other nipple, I dragged the edge of the bottle around the tender peak instead of pressing the bottom flat against it. I mirrored those actions with my hot tongue before taking it fully into my mouth and offering a playful nip. Bella was writhing and whimpering an alluring opera in soprano as her hands continued to tug at my hair and grace my neck.

I tipped the bottle again, allowing more of the honey gold liquid to run between her chest. I lapped it up like a thirsty dog, and tried to catch as much of it as I could before it rolled over her collarbone and onto her neck. I followed its path and kissed, licked, and sucked all of the moist skin along the way. I splashed more directly over her nipples so that they were soaked, the icy beer running down all sides of her perfectly rounded mounds. I moaned against her skin as I frantically cleaned up my mess. Bella's heavy panting was more intoxicating than the alcohol itself.

"Edward, please," she begged, but I had only just begun. I crawled back down her body and ignored the raging insistence from my groin to take her now. There were more games I wanted to play first.

I picked up one of my knees and moved it over one of her legs and then I did the same on the other side so that her legs were now outside of mine. Still kneeling before her, I pushed them apart to reveal her glistening sex to me. I ran the bottle up and down her inner thigh and followed the same path on the opposite leg. When I felt satisfied with that tease I rested the side of the bottle directly between her legs.

"Holy fuck!" she yelled, practically jumping up off the blanket. I used my free hand to press into her stomach and hold her in place. I briefly traced it over her so that she could feel the cool glass on her soft folds and her sensitive clit. As quickly as I had done so I removed it, and she was still begging me to take her.

"Stay here," I told her as I sprung up and ran toward the kitchen. I heard her cry out behind me, but I didn't respond. This would only take me a few moments. I returned with a small glass of ice water and set it on the blanket near us. I resumed my position over her body and her eyes widened at the implication.

I removed a cube and touched it to her lips. Her tongue darted out to collect the melting water. I brought it to my own mouth and held it between my front teeth as I bent down to meet her. She opened up to me, and I let the cold cube fall between our tongues. As they danced together, the ice rolled around erratically. She sucked it into her mouth and pulled back from me, giving it an audible crunch. I smiled down at her as she whispered the word "more" to me.

Unable to deny her anything, I took another cube and allowed it to drip on her breasts before spending ample time there. Three cubes later I had circled her nipples, suckled them with ice in my mouth, and kneaded her tits with ice in my hand.

I moved to the lower half of her torso and spent many minutes drawing little pictures on the flat expanse and tracing my ice art with my hot mouth. She shivered and shuttered at the dual sensations, and I cherished each sound of pleasure I created in her.

Finally and very cautiously, I took a new piece of ice and held it in my palm over her waiting pussy. As I squeezed it in my hand, the drops fell quickly. I positioned it so that they each fell directly onto her bundle of nerves and ran down toward her opening. Each drop caused her to jump and flex up toward my hand. When that cube melted, I took a new one and tentatively touched it to her clit. She cried out louder than she had so far, and her hand shot up to grip my wrist. As she guided my hand back down toward her body I understood that she wanted me to do it again. I wasted no time. On this round I drew tiny circles, alternating with light flicks from my other hand.

I wanted to taste her so fucking bad in that moment. It was something I had wanted to do since the moment she first gave herself over to me, but she would never allow it. She never offered me an explanation, and I wondered if she was one of those women who was uncomfortable with how she would taste or smell to me. I wanted to assure her that none of that mattered to me, but she avoided oral sex at all costs. I would have loved to feel her hot mouth on my stiff dick, but it was against my nature to pressure her into something she didn't want. I would much rather she let me pleasure her if I were given the choice of the two. I wanted to taste her so bad it was killing me.

I made a split second decision to test the waters and see if I could convince her tonight. I moved the ice off her clit and trailed it down her wet skin until I came to her opening. I held it firmly between my fingers and traced it around the sides before pressing it inside of her slightly. I didn't let go of it, but I thought I might lose it with the way she squirmed and rolled from side to side on the floor. Checking to make sure she was watching me, I pulled the ice out and popped it into my mouth. I groaned loudly when I tasted her on the cube. Her eyes widened and I gave her a wicked smile. Without hesitation I dove down to take her with my mouth, but I was met with a blanket instead of the sweet woman I craved.

I looked up and saw that she had rolled away from my attempt. "No," she said simply, shaking her head back and forth adamantly.

"Okay, I'm sorry," I conceded. I rolled her hips until she was lying down again, but she looked at me nervously. "I promise I won't try again, but I'm not done with you yet." I pulled two small cubes from the glass and moved back between her thighs. I ran them along the crease between her legs and her sex, and then back to waiting pussy. I pressed both cubes into her again, but this time I let them go. My fingers quickly followed them inside, and I began pumping eagerly. My fingertips flicked them around a little. She was soaked as her inner warmth melted the ice quickly.

Her moaning was wild and unpredictable, as was the rest of her body. I literally had to hold her down as she tried to lean up, roll, rock, and wiggle beneath me. She was completely out of control and I couldn't keep up with the string of words that flowed from her mouth between heavy breaths and hard groans. When I felt her getting closer, I curled my fingers within her and pressed into her g-spot. I reached into the glass for another cube, but found that there was only cold water remaining. I picked up the glass and poured it directly over her clit. She instantly screamed the loudest yet and came all over my hand. Her entire body collapsed flat against the blanket and she panted uncontrollably. I fell down next to her and let her watch me suck my fingers clean. She groaned and sprung up to straddle me. Her mouth connected to mine in the hardest, most forceful kiss she had ever given me before.

"Holy fucking hell, Edward!" she gasped between kisses. "_That_ was unfuckingbelievable! I want to fuck you so bad right now and I want you to do it with the ice again."

I groaned at her suggestion, and my cock jumped in my shorts. She felt it and positioned herself to rub and grind up and down my shaft forcefully. I was completely at her mercy as she moved on top of me, attacking my neck with her lips. Now I was the one groaning and bucking beneath her. I wanted more, but just as I had done to her, she tore herself away from me and ran out of the room.

When she returned to me, there was another glass of ice water in her hand. She straddled me once more, quickly taking several ice cubes from the glass. She placed one between my lips and told me to hold it there. Another was left to rest in my belly button, and she placed a third in the middle of my chest. While those all melted and ran across my skin, she took one in her hand and repeated some of my earlier actions. My nipples received ample attention, and many shapes and pictures were drawn all over my torso. She leaned in to kiss me and sucked the small fragment that remained into her mouth. She allowed it to cool her tongue and then dragged a single line from the middle of my neck to the hollow behind my left ear. Once there, she pulled the tender lobe between teeth and tugged at it. The moist inner sides of her lips followed and sent a shiver through my entire body. She giggled at her accomplishment, repeating it on the other ear.

Next, she worked her way back down my chest until she reached the ice in my navel. The melted droplets had pooled on my belly and she blew hard on the little puddle. Water sprayed out across my stomach, tickling the sensitive flesh. I needed to be inside of her and I needed it immediately.

"Now," I growled, but she quieted my demands with a finger against my lips. I sucked it into my mouth, but she pulled it out right away. The bit of ice that remained in my navel was sucked into her mouth. She held it between her teeth and raked in back and forth above my groin from hip to hip. I gripped the blanket to resist pushing her a few inches lower because as much as my body wanted that, I wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want. When the ice had completely melted she tongued my right hip bone and sucked on it like it was sugar coated.

"Oh fuck! Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm _so sorry_!" she said in a panic. My head shot up to see her eyes big and full of fear.

"What's wrong?" I asked quickly.

"I…I marked you. Shit! Fuck! Damn it all, Edward I can't believe I did that. I am so, so sorry," she repeated.

I looked down at the place she said she left a mark and noticed the minute purple hickey. It was pretty small, and it was close enough to one of my tattoos that it wasn't really noticeable. It was something I could easily write off as a bruise from running into a desk or table. I wasn't worried, but Bella was clearly freaking out about it.

"Hey, baby, it's all right. I promise, okay? It's not that big, and I can easily keep it out of view. Don't stress," I said as I stroked her neck and tried to bring her back to me.

"I can't believe I did that," she groaned guiltily. "I'm sorry!"

"Stop apologizing."

"But…I…Edward…"

An idea flickered in my mind, and my grin grew in kind. "I have an idea," I offered.

"What? Tell me!" she insisted.

I smiled darkly, readjusting her hips over top of mine. "We'll call it even if you let me do it to you."

She seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding her head emphatically and grinning. "Where?" she whispered.

"Same spot?" I suggested. Another nod gave me permission, and I wasted no time flipping her beneath me on the damp blanket again.

I bent down and kissed her navel, and then worked my way from one hip to another as if I was trying to decide which one. I already knew I would do it on the same side that she did, but it was fun to tease. To be honest, having her mark on my body was incredibly hot. For the sake of secrecy, there were no mementos or reminders of Bella I could carry home with me aside from my memories. Even though it would only last a few days, that oval of broken blood vessels would be an alluring reminder of my Bella for days to come. Marking her in return was a caveman move, but it was, perhaps, the only piece of her I could ever claim as my own. I sucked hard and lavished her hip with attention. When I was done I left an even larger mark than she had on me. The sight of it delighted me, and I wished I could take a picture to keep with me forever.

Apparently, having my mouth that close to her core did actually have an intense effect on her. Once my work was done on her hip, I was pulled up over her body and handed a condom. I kissed her hard and then leaned back to put it on once my shorts were removed.

"Use the ice again," she said seductively in my ear. I felt her warm breath tickle the sensitive skin, and my lower half flexed toward her.

I hovered over her perfect body and hastily grabbed a piece of ice. I slid in down her stomach until it reached the top of her bare sex. Slipping it between her folds, I pressed it against her opening. A shift of her hips caused it to slide inside of her, and I followed it with a single finger.

"OhmygodEdward," she blurted out quickly. "So good!"

I pumped two fingers in her this time as the ice quickly melted around them. Bella was writhing uncontrollably, and the sight of her coming apart was all that I could take. I positioned myself at her entrance, but before I could enter her Bella stopped me with her hand and pushed another ice cube inside of herself.

"Now," she commanded. Her hands found purchase on my ass and pulled me forcefully into her depths.

The sensation of her heat mixed with the melting ice was more than I could have anticipated. The garbled sound I made could hardly be labeled as a groan or moan. It was some kind of guttural reaction like I have never heard.

"Oh fuck…Bella…this is…amazing!"

"I know."

I had never experienced something like this before. Everything was so much more intense as the temperatures warred against one another, and even with the condom on I could feel still feel the differences as I pumped and thrust into her. The increased moisture added to the usual sounds of our sex, but they were drowned out by the intensified sounds pouring from our mouths.

The ice must have melted because everything got warm again, but Bella wasted no time on that. "I want more," she insisted. I pulled out of her, but instead of allowing me to add more ice and continue she sat up and pulled me toward the sofa. She pushed me down and reached into the glass before sitting herself in my lap. I watched in awe as she held the cube in her hand and lowered her body back onto me. Instead of beginning to rock above me she told me to hold onto her waist as she gripped my shoulders and carefully pulled her legs up where she wrapped them around my neck.

_Oh dear lord, I think I've died and gone to Heaven!_

Once in place, she wrapped her arms around me at my ribs and began to pull herself toward me in a steady rhythm. I pulled and thrust with her, and heard myself groaning like a damn fool.

"Fuck, baby. You feel incredible like this," I said. "I wanna fuck you forever."

"Unnn…you too. Don't stop…so fucking good! Oh god, I'm gonna come, baby! Keep going right there!"

I drove into her as hard as I could in that position and she quickly began to tremble in my lap. Her hands released my back, and her head fell back toward the floor. The view of her creamy body stretched out and elongated that way had me teetering on the edge. Her stomach was smooth and taunt, and my mark was visible. Her buttery soft legs lay against my chest and cheeks and teased me with their warmth. The ice cube in her hand was almost completely melted, but she held the small bit against her clit. I could feel her muscles flex and contract as she held herself around my neck. Her gorgeous breasts spread apart and bounced with each jolt of my hips. With her head tipped back, her neck was a beautiful buffet just waiting to be feasted upon. There was only one thing missing.

"Let your hair down," I commanded. She pulled the tie out with a single tug, and her long waves fanned out behind her.

I moved one of my hands to cup her breast and moved back and forth between them as my other arm wrapped around her leg. My movements became forceful and deliberate until the sensory overload claimed me completely. An indecipherable moan escaped me as I came, and I realized I was squeezing her breast a little too hard.

When I stilled, I pulled her back up and helped her unwind her legs from me. Her arms resumed the position her ankles had held around my neck, and her entire body sank into mine. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight to me as we breathed heavily in each others' ears, but otherwise said nothing. She was hot and sticky, smelling of sex, Bella, and beer. I strengthened my hold and closed my eyes. I never wanted to let her go.

Some time later I realized I had fallen asleep holding Bella in my lap. She had clearly done the same, and was now murmuring unintelligible words in her sleep. The movie had ended at some point during our play time, and I had no idea what time it was. If I got home late tonight I would find some believable excuse. This night was completely worth it. I gave Bella a squeeze, whispering her name a couple times to rouse her. When she woke up, she blinked at me a few times through blurry eyes and then smiled sweetly.

"Hi," she said happily.

_I know baby, I'm feeling the afterglow, too._

"Hi," I whispered back.

She straightened in my lap a little and I affectionately made a small trail of kisses on her neck. Her light hum in response made my heart flutter.

I leaned back and studied her face carefully. "We're a mess. Let's go take a shower."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea to me," she agreed as we stood together and walked hand in hand to her bathroom.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**This falls between Chapters 18 and 19. It is 3 months after Chapter 17 (the break up scene)**

**I dedicate this to keepingupwiththekids, because without her request for this, it never would have been. She asked for it months ago, and I'm finally able to post it. If you enjoy it, send her hugs. If you don't, blame me cuz I wrote it =) You're the bestest beta ever, nuff said.**

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I grabbed a bottle of beer and walked into the den where I unceremoniously dropped onto my favorite leather sofa. I turned on ESPN just in time for the beginning of _SportsCenter_, and adjusted myself in my boxers.

_Yes,_ I was drinking a beer at eleven in the morning. _Yes,_ I was lounging around in my boxers and scratching my balls. _Yes_, I was watching sports on a Saturday morning when I could have been doing some "productive." Did I feel guilty? Hell no. It was the first time I had the house to myself in over three months, and I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

Carissa's younger brother and his wife just had their first baby, and she took Finn to go visit them in Reno for a week. The last time she had been away was when she took Finn to the lake house with her parents for the weekend.

_The one and only time I spent a night with Bella._

_Fuck, where did that come from?_

Three months later, and I was still thinking about Bella. I'm a married man, yet after my girlfriend-on-the-side breaks up with me for another man I still can't escape her. I hadn't seen her. I hadn't spoken to her. But she was always on my mind.

I thought back to that single night we had together.

_My body defensively stiffened and jolted me awake. Something had a hold on my dick. I didn't dare make any sudden movements for fear of my manhood being injured._

"_Mmm, Edward," a sweet, husky voice moaned._

_A tight-lipped smile formed on my face as I opened my eyes to see the beautiful brunette who was currently fondling me. To my surprise, her eyes were closed and she was still asleep._

Well that's one hell of a way to wake up. Perhaps I should return the favor.

_Reluctantly, I pried her little fingers off me, but I knew that if things went as planned they would be back there soon. Rolling her naked body slightly gave me access to the sweetness between her thighs. I lightly trailed my fingers down her stomach to see if she could be roused, but it had no effect. Sliding my hand down farther, I tentatively laid a finger against her folds._

Oh, bloody hell she's already wet! What is she dreaming?

"_Edward," she moaned again. My erection demanded I move closer to her._

_I scooted my body so that I was pressed to the length of hers and allowed my finger to slip inside her. In and out, in and out. My movements were tortuously slow, but Sleeping Beauty did not awaken. I slid a second finger in on the next pass and my name fell from her lips again. I held still within her for a moment, and then began rotating my fingers in a circular motion. My mouth watered as I felt her arousal increase and heard her breaths quicken. I pumped her again, and her mouth was suddenly on my neck. It was a beautiful way to wake up and greet the day._

Thinking of her was torturous, but I couldn't keep the memories at bay. I often found myself wondering where she was, what she was doing, and if she was happier. I hoped she was happy. If she wasn't, what was the point? Oh right, I have a family and I never deserved her in the first place. She's better off without me either way.

But I miss her.

. . . . . . . . . .

The weekend passed uneventfully, exactly how I wanted it. Monday afternoon came, and though I didn't have any reason to do so, I left work at noon. Considering that I own the place, I feel I'm entitled to such liberties occasionally. I was back on my leather sofa with a bottle of beer and a _Monster Garage_ marathon.

I absentmindedly picked at the label on my beer until pieces of shredded paper were scattered on my lap. I dusted the remains onto the floor and took a sip of the Blue Moon.

_Oh god, Blue Moon._

Another graphic memory surged through me as I swallowed down the remainder of the beer quickly and set the empty bottle on the coffee table. Pushing my pants down to my ankles, I set to work relieving the pressure my erotic memory had caused.

I must have fallen asleep after jerking off because the sound of my cell phone ringing brought me back to reality. I did a double take when I looked at the caller ID and almost dropped the phone in my attempt to answer it.

"Hu..hullo?" I mumbled into the phone. I shook my head from side to side, trying to fully wake myself.

"Edward…how are you?" Bella's sweet voice was music to my ears. I had missed that sound so much.

"Umm, I'm good. How are you?" I asked nervously. I was ecstatic that she had called me, but I couldn't help but worry about why she was contacting me after all this time.

"I…I…Edward, I want to see you. I miss you so much. Are you free tonight?" she blurted. My heart jumped and swelled in my chest.

"Yeah, I'm free right now," I responded immediately.

"Really?" she asked. "I am, too. Can we meet?"

I was sure she would hear the smile in my voice. "Absolutely. Meet me at the mall in thirty minutes?"

"Sounds great!"

I quickly cleaned up the beer bottles and garbage from the den, and then took a short shower before heading out to meet Bella. I phoned Mike, who was surprised to hear that I wanted to bring her over, but he didn't seem to mind us going over there. As it was still afternoon, he was at work, so he gave me the pass code to get into his house.

Bella's car pulled into the parking lot where we used to meet, and I parked next to her. She noticed me and hopped out of her car and into mine before I could get out to greet her.

"Oh my god, get over here," she demanded as she fisted my shirt and pulled my mouth to hers. I was surprised to say the least, but I welcomed her insistent kiss, frantically giving myself over to her. Thank God for blacked out windows in the Volvo.

We separated a few minutes later, both panting and smiling.

"Sorry," she scrunched her face and said. "But not really."

"I'm not," I smirked. "Let's go!"

I don't remember what we talked about as I drove, but I know that her hand rested on my thigh the entire ride with mine on top of hers. When we reached the road that would lead to Mike's house, I made a split second decision and passed it without turning.

Bella's head turned back and she shot me a quizzical look. "Where are we headed? I thought we were going to Mike's house?"

"My house," I answered simply.

"What?" she squeaked.

"My family is out of town," I reassured her. I had never considered taking Bella to my home before, but right now I had this unexplainable desire to do so.

"Oh," she said quietly. "But what about your neighbors?"

I gestured to the deeply tinted windows in my car. "I'll just pull into my garage. No one will see you with me, Bella."

A huge grin spread across her face and I laughed at her obvious excitement.

We didn't even make it through my kitchen before she attacked me. "I want you inside me," she said firmly as she stripped off her shirt, standing before me in a black bra and a short skirt. She unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it off my shoulders while I quickly removed my jeans. I lowered myself onto the tile floor and pulled her on top of me. When I reached under her skirt to cup her ass, I realized she wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned. "Hand me my pants."

She did, and I reached into the pocket for a condom. I couldn't be sure where this visit would go, but after Bella said she missed me on the phone, I stopped on my way to meet her and bought some. I tore the package and rolled it on as she decorated my neck with hot, wet kisses. My hand slid between us and I felt that she was ready for me without any foreplay. Smiling devilishly, I took a firm hold on her hips and slammed her down on my cock roughly. We simultaneously groaned, our movements an immediate frenzy.

It was all a blur from there. I was tugging at her bra and pulling her breasts to my mouth. Her skirt grazed my thighs as she moved over me. We kissed and sucked and moaned and praised one another. She rode me hard, and then slow and torturous. I flipped her and fucked her the way she begged me to. I touched every part of her body I could reach. She pulled my hair and bit my lips. I told her how much I had missed her perfect body, and she told me that no one could satisfy her like me. She came twice, and my name on her lips never sounded sweeter. I was almost certain the sheer force of my release would break the condom.

We lay together with our backs on my cold tile floor, allowing the stone to cool our bodies. We held hands as we stared at the ceiling and talked about all the rock albums we had each purchased in the past few months. On the surface, it was an inconsequential conversation, but to us it was a reconnection to our bond.

When we finally rose from the kitchen floor, I demanded that she remove the rest of her clothing. She happily complied as I greedily took in the sight of her bare body. She looked better than ever, and I knew I would be ready for her again soon. But I didn't want to rush. I wanted to soak up the time I had with her and decipher why, after several months, she decided to come back to me.

"Why did you call?" I asked as I handed her a glass of water.

She glanced at the floor. "I told you that already. I've missed you."

"And nothing more?"

"Nothing that matters," she said simply and then dismissed my question. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I guess I just wanted to share this part of me with you," I admitted. "Let me take you on a tour. You're obviously familiar with the kitchen," I teased.

She smacked my arm playfully, and I took her hand to lead her through my house…naked.

As I showed her around – both of us completely casual about our nudity – something else ate away at my mind. I needed her to understand. Pausing at the base the stairs that led to the bedrooms in my home, I turned to face her.

"Bella…I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and raising an eyebrow at me. She always made the cutest little faces.

"I didn't mean to…I don't want you to think that I only care about this," I said, running my hand over the slope of her ass. "I mean, we haven't talked in so long and the first thing I do is screw you on my kitchen floor. I've…missed much more than your body," I said shyly.

She leaned up on her tiptoes pressed her lips to mine briefly. As she brushed a chunk of sweat-soaked hair out of my left eye she spoke. "It's the same for me. I said I missed you. I meant more than just the sex. But I'm not upset about what just happened because it was fuckhot and I missed _that_, too!"

Her arms were around my waist then, and I returned the embrace to draw her body closer to mine. She felt so good, so perfect pressed against me that way. Our bodies molded together in flawless harmony, and I could not will myself to let her go or stop breathing in her old familiar scent.

"Show me the rest of the house," she finally said, and it was she who broke us apart. Her fingertips trailed down my arm slowly until her hand rested in mine. She gently tugged me up the stairs.

To one side was the master suite that I shared with my wife. I waved my hand in and explained as much at the door, but we did not go inside. I wrapped my arm around her waist, resting my hand on her hip as we proceeded through the upstairs. A laundry room and a bathroom filled the space along the hall until we got to the other side. I opened the door to the smallest bedroom, which belonged to Finn, then led her into a large loft. It was set up as a study and reading area with bookshelves, a desk, and two plush armchairs. In true Bella fashion, she gave me a naughty smirk as she approached the chairs.

"Which one is yours?" she asked.

"I, umm…what do you mean?" I asked in return. The chairs were identical.

She turned to face me and rolled her eyes. "I assume you have a preference. One of these that you always sit in while you read or listen to music?"

"Oh, yeah," I smiled. "I like the one on the left."

"Good then, have a seat." She took my hands and guided me over to my chair before pushing me down. My ass hit the soft seat with a thunk as Bella dropped down to kneel in front of me. I gulped when I realized what she had in mind. This had only happened one other time, and just thinking about it made me instantly hard. "I see you're ready then," she purred.

Her hands were on my knees, and she pulled them apart to move herself into the gap. She began rubbing up and down the top of my thighs. Her eyes never left mine.

"Oh fuck," I groaned in anticipation. The lustful look in her eyes could send me over the edge before anything even happened. My head wanted to tip against the back of the chair, but I couldn't tear myself away from her fiery gaze.

I watched her lick her full lips as she took me in her hand and began lazily stroking. "First, I'm going to give you the greatest blow job of your life and make you come in my mouth. If this isn't already your favorite chair in the house, it's going to be when I'm done with you." I groaned and dug my nails into the armrests, but she wasn't done with her verbal torture. "Then after I'm finished, I'm going to sit in _that_ chair," she gestured to the other one, "and you're going to make me come in _your_ mouth."

"Oh…guh…yes _please_," I panted incoherently as she descended on my waiting erection.

Bella was never afraid to speak her mind when it came to what she wanted, but this was _different_. Her choice of words was dirty and intentional to drive me crazy. She wanted to create a memory so strong that I would think of her every time I sat here. Then she wanted me to go down on her in the chair my wife used. Not only was that just…insanely erotic, it was also a huge victory for me. She had never allowed me to do that to her before, and fuck me, I wanted to taste her.

She was absolutely right; it was without question the most amazing head I ever received. Her mouth felt hotter than normal somehow, and god was it wet. She slid up and down on my shaft with…grace? Not a word I would normally use to describe such actions, but Bella was no ordinary woman. She alternated between pulling me deep into her mouth and slipping me out to lick me from base to tip with the end of her tongue. I couldn't keep my hands still as she worked me over. I was gripping the armrests, fisting her hair, rubbing her shoulders, and stroking her cheeks when I could reach them. Sounds I had never heard before rose from my belly, up through my chest, and out my mouth. Bella responded in kind with her own moans of pleasure. I knew for certain that she was doing this for me out of a pure desire to bring me to new heights, not out of obligation or just to get me off quickly.

I watched in wonder as she pulled back, took a deep breath, and took me in again until my head met firm resistance at the back of her throat. She sucked hard, rolling my balls in her hand, and I was done. As I was uncertain if I still had any bones in my body, I sank further into the chair, keeping my eyes closed. I would have only seen stars had I opened them anyway. As the warring sounds of our panting filled the air, she crawled up into the chair and sat in my lap. Her head fell to my shoulder. My chin rested in a mess of her hair.

"Wow," I whispered, and she giggled in response. "That was…I have no words," I said honestly.

"I don't need words," she replied suggestively. "_Show me_."

Pulling us out of my chair quickly and moving her slender body to sit in the other chair, I fell before her, grasping her hips to pull her toward the edge of the cushion. I immediately began peppering kisses along her inner thighs while her upper body slumped back to a comfortable position. I wanted to go slow, taking the time to tease and play, but I couldn't wait. I lifted one of her legs over my shoulder and then the other, and I dove right in for my first taste.

Bella was heavenly. She was already aroused, and I was all too happy to suck the sweet juice from her body. I moved my mouth over her with determination and need, and her cries assured me of her approval. I dipped my tongue inside and ravaged her with the same ferocity I often gave her mouth. The flat of my tongue slid upward very slowly, proceeding to tease her clit with only the tip of my tongue. My pace was the opposite of what I had been doing below, but even her violent tugging on my hair could not make me cease. I returned to her opening to begin the pattern all over again. Back and forth, I went as she called my name like an angel writhing beneath me. My firm hold on her legs kept her exactly where I wanted her the entire time. She came once, but I was not ready to let her go. I kissed her thigh again, and sucked a sweet, fleshy spot near her juncture until an angry purple mark appeared. I grinned with delight and created its twin on the other leg. When I was satisfied with my work, I returned to her hot wet core until she came again. Mid-climax, I thrust my fingers into her, curling them up to give her another immediate orgasm. Lowering her legs, I rested my head on the cushion of her chair.

What could have been minutes or hours later, I'm not sure, my stomach growled loudly, eliciting an amused laugh from Bella.

"Let's go find you something to eat, big boy. Apparently that wasn't enough a meal for you!" she teased. Her playful attitude was crass and unladylike, but I loved it.

I stood and pulled her to her feet before turning my back to her. "Hop up," I said over my shoulder.

"Why?" she asked skeptically.

"Free ride to the kitchen?"

She giggled again, but accepted my offer. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and I held her legs as I carried her down the stairs. Back in the kitchen, she hopped down and went straight to my fridge to examine the contents.

"I'm starving!" she announced. "Ooh, real maple syrup! Do you have pancake mix?"

"I do, but I'd prefer something that doesn't require cooking," I told her. She looked at me expectantly for an explanation. "I don't want you putting your clothes back on just yet," I added.

A devious smile spread across her mouth, and she nodded.

"What about frozen waffles instead?" I offered. I think there's blueberry in there."

"That sounds awesome," she said. "Will you cut up some fruit?"

We stood there in my kitchen like Adam and Eve, toasting frozen waffles and slicing mangoes and strawberries. We sat at the kitchen table talking about mindless things while I tried not to stare at her tits.

"You know, I've always loved the taste of real maple syrup. It's so sweet and rich." Her voice was low, and I noticed that she was swirling syrup with her finger on her empty plate.

"Umm, yeah, it's good," I agreed. I had an idea where she was going with this, but I didn't want to get too excited.

"You know what else I love the taste of?" she asked. She scooted her chair a little closer to mine.

"What?" I asked simply.

"You."

Her syrup covered finger pressed to my neck, and she followed it with her mouth. She sucked the sticky liquid from my skin, and then continued to give ample attention to that area. Her finger dipped back into the puddle on her plate, repeating her actions on the other side of my neck. I had already pushed my chair back to allow her access.

"Mmm…just what I thought. A perfect combination. This is definitely better than the waffles," she said.

"Then by all means keep going," I said as I poured more syrup onto her plate and pulled her toward me. She straddled my lap, scooping up more.

I hummed in appreciation as she spread trails of syrup on my lips, chin, collarbone and chest. Each and every drop was lapped up with care. When she was finished, I received a sweet, messy kiss. She tasted like she'd been drinking straight from the bottle, and I had to laugh into her mouth at the thought.

"You're all messy now," she pouted. I nipped at her protruding lower lip and she bit back at me.

"I don't mind."

She sighed and tapped her chin with a single finger. "What shall we do with you now?"

"Oh, I have an idea," I said. "There's one more room you haven't seen." I nudged her off my lap and walked over to our pile of clothes on the floor.

"I thought you said no clothes," she said curiously.

I held up the condoms I had pulled from my pants pocket and beckoned her to follow me. I led her back up the stairs, stopping at bedroom she had not seen.

"This is the guest room," I said as I opened the door.

Bella smiled as she looked at the plush bed, but I shook my head. I took her hand and walked toward the private bathroom.

"The builder made a mistake in the construction of this house. The original Jacuzzi tub was accidentally installed in this bathroom and the garden tub was put in the master bath. The mistake was not realized until the floors were already laid. By that time it would have cost them so much to rip them out and make the switch that they decided to leave this one here and put in a second Jacuzzi in the master."

"Wow, that's awesome! Does that mean we should get you cleaned up now?" she asked.

"If you'd like," I said, wiggling my eyebrows at her. She giggled and skipped over to the tub to start the water.

When the water was drawn, we stepped into the Jacuzzi. Bella insisted that she sit behind me. "It will be just like in _Pretty Woman_." I groaned at the reference to that chick flick, but inwardly smiled at the idea of Bella's legs wrapped around me like Julia Roberts.

We found a comfortable position, and I leaned my head back into her shoulder. She made good on her promise to ensnare me with her luscious, creamy legs. They made a nice resting place for my hands. Her flattened palms splayed out across my chest, stroking up and down, and twirling the small bits of my chest hair in her fingertips. The jets pounded deliciously against out bodies, and I could feel the peace and comfort we shared. Our conversation was slow and natural. There was no need for us to fill the silence with mindless chatter. We simply relished the intimacy of it all and enjoyed our time together.

We had been quiet for a while when Bella turned off the jets and kissed my cheek. She made no attempt to get out of the tub, but I sensed there was something on her mind. I waited, knowing that whatever it was needed to be on her terms.

"I've never felt like this," she whispered so softly I wasn't sure if she really wanted me to hear it or not.

Tipping my head back to look at her through one eye, she graced me with a small smile. I felt it, too, but I was too cowardly to say it out loud. Instead, I placed my hands over hers, deliberately moving them so they were stacked over my heart.

"Make love to me." Her words were even quieter than her previous statement. If I hadn't been so tuned into her at that moment, I'm not sure I would have heard it.

"Bella," I breathed as I sat up slightly, but there were no other words. That was my _yes_ and my _I want nothing more_ even if I couldn't say it the way I wanted. She released me from her leggy embrace and I stood slowly. I turned and pulled her to me. Our lips met, molding together, but didn't allow it to deepen. Instead, I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my waist. I held my hand out so that she wouldn't slip, and once she was before me, I wrapped her in a second plush towel.

We left the bathroom and I carefully turned down the bed before motioning her to join me. Lying side by side, we kissed slowly as our hands ran up and down each other's sides. I palmed her breasts, tenderly massaging them with equal time and attention. She arched into my touch as I trailed kisses from her mouth, across her jaw, and down to her heart. I kissed the swell of her left breast that shielded her heartbeat and silently willed her to feel what I was feeling.

She pressed against my shoulder, pushing me onto my back so that she could straddle my body. I welcomed her there, and as her lips spread love across my skin, my hands explored the vast landscape of her bare back. I wove my fingers through the long, damp strands that fell below her shoulder blades, shuddering at the pleasure both our actions brought to me.

"Touch me. I need you to touch me," she implored.

Dragging my hands around her neck until they cupped her face, I drew her to me. She leaned into my kiss, and when I pulled away her lips remained parted. I allowed my fingers to slide down her face and over her neck. Her head tipped back to allow my touch, her smooth skin calling to me. I continued my downward course, ghosting over her collarbone and slowing down at the curve of her breasts. I gingerly paused at her nipples, but moved on to the underside of her breasts and her ribs. Thick, throaty moans encouraged me to touch her everywhere. My hands flattened against her stomach, and then moved outward to her hips. From there one stayed in place while the other continued between her legs. Her quickening breath became more audible. She gasped when I slid my middle finger between her folds and into her heat.

"Oh god, Bella…I love the way you feel."

My eyes grazed over her body and studied her face. She was looking down at my hand moving carefully at her center. Her eyes glanced over my chest, and she saw me watching her. As our eyes locked, I was lost in the deep chocolate pools. There was so much to see within them when she let me, but she rarely did. It was in our most intimate moments that I saw what she truly felt for me. It sounds trite, but it was a part of who we are together. Our sexual bond was just as strong as the draw I felt to her as a person. Without both components, we were not whole.

"Please," I requested, and she knew what I desired. There was no question where this was heading, but I wanted it to be at the right moment. I could wait a little longer if she needed me to do so.

She nodded her approval, though I swear I saw her wince when I pulled my hand from her…as if the separation pained her.

_Just a moment, baby. I won't make you wait long._

Before I could reach it, she took the condom from the bedside table where I left it before our bath and rolled it onto my length. She rose onto her knees, carefully positioning herself over me. I held myself in place for her as she took me in with one smooth movement. We each made our satisfied sounds, but stayed still for a few moments. I looked deeply into her eyes as she did the same.

When we moved, it was in perfect harmony. The sounds of wet, hot flesh and erratic breathing were drowned out by the intensity of our lovemaking. That is truly what it was. The words I could never speak out loud were being transferred between us in our own secret language. Her hands pressed into my stomach or my shoulders as she rose and fell upon me. Mine explored her breasts, or gripped her firm ass and thighs to provide guidance. I thrust in time with her skilled movements. We were one.

I didn't want her to do all the work, though. She asked me to make love to her, and I would. With one arm wrapped firmly around her waist, I turned us over without separating our bodies. I lowered my arm and gently placed her back on the bed. Her hair fell gracefully, fanning out across the pillow. She was so beautiful, and I told her so over and over again as I drove myself deeper into her body. I wanted her to feel every inch of me. I wanted to make her feel not only the ecstasy I could bring her, but also the longing of my heart. I wanted her to know how madly I missed her in the months she was away, and I never wanted her to leave me again. I needed this. _We_ needed this.

"I'm gonna come, baby," she told me. Her little hands dug into my back and then the sheets. "Faster!"

I complied, and she was soon clenching around me as she cried out. I followed a few short thrusts later, collapsing upon her.

Kissing my thank you upon her mouth, we lay together as a tangled mess of bodies upon the bed. I tugged the blanket up over us, and she grabbed the other side to secure it at our shoulders. I held her tight and inhaled her heady scent until we both drifted to sleep.

. . . . . . . . . .

I awoke with a start, and Bella's name fell from my lips. A TV was on, but I couldn't recall turning one on while she was with me. Even behind my closed eyes, I could see the room was brightening with the light of dawn. I reached out to pull Bella back to me, but I came up empty.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes, and I was alone.

I was not in the guest bedroom with her.

I wore unfastened jeans and a tee shirt.

I was in my den on the leather couch. Beer bottles littered the coffee table in front of me, and the _Monster Garage_ marathon was still playing…

It was just a dream.

_It was just a dream._

Bella never called. I never brought her to my house. We didn't have sex in my kitchen or on my chairs. There was no Jacuzzi bonding, and she never asked me to make love to her.

It was still three months since Bella ended things between us, and I had not heard from her since.

I closed my eyes and willed the dream to come back.

. . . . . . . . . .

Work sucked.

I was irritable, depressed, and I just wanted to be alone. I hid in my office most of the day.

I went to poker night, and lost all my money.

I stopped at the liquor store and bought a bottle of bourbon, but I didn't want to go home to my empty house.

I thought about Bella. I'd been thinking about Bella all day.

I made an illegal U turn and decided I was in the mood for karaoke.

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**Endnotes: Well that was quite mean of me, wasn't it? But seriously, couldn't you guess? They were a bit OOC, don't you think? It does set things up for Edward's mindset in Chapter 19, though, so keep it in mind as you read that one…**

**If you're wondering why Edward had a flashback while drinking Blue Moon, go back one chapter and read that EPOV.**

**Other housekeeping: I know I told you lovelies that I would write EPOVs for the James run-in, the sleepover, and the break up. I did write them. I hate them. The characterizations weren't coming out right, and focusing on them was holding me back from the main story. I assume you would rather I update that, so….my apologies. If I ever manage to get them right, I will post them. **


	13. Chapter 13

**_EPOV companion for Chapter 26_**

**A/N: The stories Edward tells Bella about Julie and Carissa were originally written as an EPOV to help me flesh out Edward's back story and feelings toward his wife and son. This little bit o' Edward delves into what happened between the time Carissa found Edward at the bar and the first time they slept together. It was unnecessary for him to explain these details to Bella, but I thought you might still be interested in how that night went down. There is a small amount of repetition you'll notice, but it will make sense when you read it. Your feedback and reactions are always appreciated.**

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My drinking was out of control. Upon acquiring a very believable fake ID, I became a barfly. It didn't matter what kind of bar or club it was, as long as I could get in, get drunk, and get a woman to come home with me. Drinking and fucking my way through my misery was doing me no good, but I continued down my destructive path regardless. It went on and on for months until the night I ran into Carissa at a bar near the UDub campus. She had been going to school there, and despite our close proximity, she was so caught up in her college life that we didn't see each other as often as one might assume.

I barely recognized her when she hopped into my lap on my barstool. I blinked back the tequila haze that clouded my vision and tried to focus on her face.

"Edward!" she giggled. "What are you doing all the way over here by campus?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. Most nights I walked the city until I came upon an establishment that looked interesting and unfamiliar.

"Well, who are you with?" she pressed.

I shrugged my shoulders slowly. "No one."

"Oh…well come meet my friends."

She led me away from the bar and to a table where a group of men and women our age were sitting. I fell back into an empty chair, realizing that she had actually pushed me down into it before depositing herself on my thighs once more.

"Guys, this is my best friend, Edward," she told them, repeating their names back to me, but I forgot each as soon as she moved on to the next. There seemed to be friendly smiles all around, but I was indifferent to their company.

My blurry eyes scanned over her female friends, assessing if any of them matched my tastes for the evening. I was unimpressed. Gazing at the small dance floor, I saw a few options, but when I tried to get up and go to them, I realized I had a woman in my lap already. I resigned myself to the company of my ever-faithful best friend, accepting that I wasn't going to get laid that night.

Last call came and went, and everyone shuffled out onto the sidewalk to begin the journey home. I turned in the direction of my apartment, preparing my mind for the walk that would take me at least forty minutes.

"Where do you think you're going?" I heard as someone tugged at my wrist.

"Home."

"Oh my gosh, Edward! You're out of your mind! There's no way you can walk home right now," Carissa told me. "I live just around the corner from here. You can crash with me."

I went along, feeling blank and empty. It didn't matter where I slept.

She led me into her apartment, saying something about her roommate being out of town, but I wasn't sure why that mattered.

"The bathroom is through there," she directed me toward an open door. "I left a toothbrush in there for you."

I looked at her closer now, finally noticing that she had changed into pajamas, removed her make-up, and tied her hair up in a ponytail. I wondered how long I had been standing in the middle of her bedroom staring at nothing, but I pushed those thoughts away as I shut the bathroom door behind me.

When I emerged in my boxers, I stood in the doorway tugging on my hair and looking at her already in bed.

"I put some stuff out on the couch for you, or, umm, you can sleep in here if you want. My bed is big enough," she said softly.

I thought about all the times we had lounged together watching movies or listening to music, remembering the peace and comfort of my confidant. We had never spent the night in the same bed, but I couldn't see a reason not to in that moment. The appeal of her soothing presence won out as I climbed under the covers with her.

We rolled onto our sides facing one another. My eyes closed, and I felt her hand in my hair.

"Edward, are you all right?"

"Hmm?" I hummed sleepily. The alcohol in my blood made me feel as if I were on a waterbed.

"You don't seem yourself lately. I've barely heard from or seen you since you moved to the city, and tonight you've just been…I don't know, not _here_."

I sighed in response, unsure of what to say.

"I'm worried about you," she whispered, caressing my cheek in a way that reminded me of my mother.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, feeling myself falling into the arms of the sandman.

I was on the cusp of sleep when I felt the bed shift.

"Sorry," she mumbled, noticing that her movements had disturbed me. When she settled back into place, I finally shared the heavy thought I knew she would understand.

"I found a picture when I moved…a picture of me and Julie." My words were almost inaudible, but she was close enough to hear them.

"Oh no…" she replied softly. Her body was suddenly pressed against mine, her arm wrapped over my shoulder and rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"He's three. I don't even know his name or if he's happy." My voice sounded dead. It was hollow and empty as my body silently shook against hers. I mirrored her hold, tucking my head into her neck as I pulled her body impossibly closer to mine, seeking any comfort I could find.

We lay in the stillness of her dark room. She consoled me in a way that only she ever could and fought back my demons when I couldn't. I calmed infinitesimally and then more and more as each minute passed. The tequila was still swimming through my veins, making my thoughts and emotions better and worse at the same time - a constant battle. In time I settled, retaining my hold on my best friend, but no longer in agony. It lulled to a dull, aching pain, and for the moment it was tolerable.

With her body pressed so close to mine and our lack of modest clothing, she was warm and safe. To my own body, having a woman close to me that way caused certain reactions, and this time was no different. My better judgment was lost in my inebriated bliss, and I experimentally shifted my stiff penis against her leg. Her breath hitched, and I knew she felt it, though she did not back away. Lifting my hand to stroke her cheek, I pressed my lips to hers, feeling her response immediately.

I awoke to the feeling of a warm, naked body pressed against me. I peaked at my bed companion, and when I realized it was Carissa, the previous night all came back to me.

I panicked. I had drunk-fucked my best friend.


	14. Chapter 14 FinnPOV

**A/N: ****All characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfic & it's counterpart are mine.**

**This was written several months ago for bemily, who donated to the first FGB auction for a preview of the last 5 chapters of NMTB. This was her bonus for her generosity! She asked for a FinnPOV, and this is what I came up with. I hope you like it.**

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Graduation was confirmed and caps were tossed. I shook hands with a few of my buddies from baseball team as we passed, acknowledging that I would be at the bonfire that night. I wove through the crowd until I spotted my parents.

"Congratulations, son, I'm proud of you," my dad said, giving me a big hug. We both ran a hand through our hair when we separated, eliciting a laugh from Bella's direction.

"_We're_ proud of you," she smiled.

More hugs and words of affirmation were given, and then we all headed out to the parking lot, discussing dinner plans. We were seated at my favorite restaurant minutes later, all five of us in good spirits.

"How about a beer for the graduate?" I quipped, and they all laughed and scowled, shaking their heads. It was worth a shot.

As I watched my parents and this expanded family over the course of my meal, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that everyone looked so happy.

Choosing to go with my dad to California had been a no-brainer for me at the time. It wasn't that I didn't love my mom the same way I loved my dad, but I had always been closer to him. When we moved into different houses, I hated being away from him. We had always spent so much time together. Mom was great, but we had a different sort of bond than Dad and me.

It wasn't always easy. I missed her a lot, but I also loved living in California with Dad and Bella. Bella was great to me, even when I would throw childish fits and get upset with her. I knew she loved me, and looking back, I'm glad I've had her in my life…and my dad's. As I grew up, I could see just how much they were in love with one another, and I knew that it was something I had never seen when my mom and dad were together. I suppose that's why it was so easy for me to accept having a stepmother.

The only part I really hated was that Dad and Bella were happy and eventually got married, while mom didn't have as much success in dating. She had a handful of boyfriends over the years, but they never lasted. It wasn't until Jim came into her life two years ago that her light really began to shine again. He brought something special out in her, and it was sort of surreal to see my mom develop a witty sense of humor and act so free with Jim.

They had a quick romance, only dating six months before he proposed. I knew I liked him when he pulled me aside to seek my permission first. He told me how much he loved my mother and wanted to make her happy. He assured me that he would take good care of her, as long as he had my blessing. If he had to, he said, he would wait until I was ready to ask her to be his wife.

They finally married this past Christmas.

There had been a lot of changes in my life; probably more than most kids I knew, but it was never more than we could handle.

I loved California, and I know Dad and Bella did too, but when my grandmother became ill three years ago, we packed up our life and returned to Washington. Dad was much more well-off by that point, having created a very successful business in L.A. and also investing in Emmett's clubs. Once we were settled in, my father and stepmother pooled their business experience and opened a car-themed sports bar and restaurant of their own. It was a huge success, and they both seemed to love what they did, even though we all missed California.

In the end, everything seemed to work out how it was supposed to. Mom and Dad were both blissful with people they cared for very much. It was happiness they hadn't found together, and even though we all had to suffer through their divorce and the after-effects, it turned out all right. To their credit, I now had four parents who loved me, which I knew was a huge blessing. When I left for college in less than three months, no one would be alone.

The draw of the sunnier regions of the Pacific coast never left me, so my future was set in the form of a baseball scholarship to UCLA. Even though Bella and Dad would remain in Washington with Gram, I would be back with some of my old California friends, as well as Dad and Bella's friends to watch out for me. Rosalie and Emmett had practically become aunt and uncle to me, and it would be nice to have them around if I ever needed anything.

I didn't know where life would take any of us from here, but I did gain two very important pieces of knowledge in my short life.

One is that nothing in life is permanent. Even when you think you have stability, change sneaks up and renovates your life completely.

The other is that big love is worth waiting for, no matter what. Dad and Mom may not have had much more than friendship with one another, but they eventually found what they always needed in Bella and Jim. I could only hope that I would find mine a little earlier in life than they had.

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**E/N: So...now that the story is over, any guesses where I got the name Finn? No, the answer is not from _Glee_.**

**There will be 2 more outtakes coming...  
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	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Big thanks go to dtav for donating to the November FGB auction! She asked for a smuttake from around the same as the other ones in these NMTB Extras. More or less sometime after Ch. 10 of NMTB. Additional thanks to Kassiah for providing a song prompt ("In My Head" by Jason Derulo). If you enjoy this, thank dtav and Kassiah!**

**To answer the question from the FinnPOV, I got his name from Ethan Hawke's character in the movie adaptation of **_**Great Expectations.**_** It's one of my favorite books and movies.**

**All recognizable characters, products, and songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended. This work of fanfiction is mine.**

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Today had been an absolute shit day. It was unquestionably "one of those days" when the universe seemed to align against me and absolutely everything fucking sucked.

It started in the morning when there was no hot water in my house. It was the third time this had happened, and my house was not old enough for that kind of water heater problem to be occurring repeatedly. That meant calls to the warranty company to explain that, no, I didn't want them to send a technician free of charge; I wanted a new unit.

That made me late to work, where I discovered that one of my guys had called in sick and another was at the hospital with his wife and brand new baby. Being one man down was manageable, but missing two, especially on a busy day, put everything behind schedule. We weren't a big shop, so I was forced out of my office and onto the floor. Normally, I spent a few hours of the day doing hands-on work and repairs with my guys, but as the boss and my own bookkeeper, I also had a lot of desk duties. Today was supposed to be doing payroll so that everyone could be paid tomorrow. Had all gone as planned, I would have had it done before lunchtime and been ahead of the game. Instead, I was still in the office an hour and a half after the shop closed, having spent the day dealing with customers and fixing cars. I knew how badly some of my employees needed to get their pay on time, so I resolved to stay until it was finished.

I had called home earlier from the shop phone to update Carissa, and she told me that it was fine that I wouldn't be home for dinner because her parents wanted to take Finn to rec night at some new family sports complex and then let him play hooky tomorrow so they could spend the day with him. I wasn't thrilled about him missing school, but I didn't have the motivation to argue with her. Carissa said she was just going to stay at her parents' place for the night as well and go to work from there. She didn't seem to notice my stressed tone, too caught up in her own carefree thoughts. Must have been nice...

I leaned my elbows on my desk, hovering over the spread of paperwork and massaging my forehead. All I had left to do was actually write out the paychecks and stick them into envelopes. It wouldn't take too much longer, but the thought of another second of work made my head want to explode. Needing a distraction, I pulled out my cell phone and checked it for missed calls and texts. There was nothing special, but holding my phone reminded me of something that could definitely cheer me up.

Dialing the number I had memorized several months ago, I let it ring and waited for my favorite brunette to answer.

_Once..._

_Twice..._

_Come on, Bella. Answer the phone..._

_"Hello?"_ said the voice I was longing to hear. Instantly, with just that one little word, I immediately felt better than I had all day.

"Hey there," I replied, smiling as I spoke.

_"Edward! What are you up to?"_

"Still at the office."  
_  
"Oh man, why?"_ she asked.

"Eh, horrible day."

_"So tell me about it. It'll help to get it out."_

She was right; it did help. Bella listened attentively as I rattled on about the shit storm that was my life on this lovely Thursday, and I allowed her sympathy to cool my nerves. She responded kindly, reminding me that I was almost finished and could get home to relax soon.

"I've totally been monopolizing the conversation with my whining," I realized. "Tell me how your week's been."

_"The usual,"_ she said cheerfully. _"I'm actually just getting ready to head into the city tonight. My friends and I are going to this club one of my old sorority sisters works at, so it should be pretty fun."_ She went on to tell me where they were going and that it was a girls' night with several of her college friends. She sounded so happy and excited to see them, and I was glad for her.

By the time she had to go meet her friends, I was feeling better than I had expected. I told her to have a good time, and before we ended our call, we made plans for Sunday night. I returned to the paychecks, finishing everything and closing down the building twenty minutes later. I had cleaned myself up as best as possible and changed into a fresh pair of clothes I kept in my office for days like this. Since the family wasn't going to be home, I went to a nearby sports bar to grab something to eat and a beer...or two.

A dozen hot wings, half a basket of fries, and two beers later, my appetite was sated, but I was getting annoyed with the overly friendly waitress. It wasn't that the attention was unappreciated, but I was craving someone else's flirtations. I thought about Bella's plans for the night and found myself disappointed that I couldn't join her.

Actually, why the hell couldn't I? My family had fluffed me off for the night, so it didn't really matter what time I got home. Maybe it was my crappy day, maybe it was the couple beers I'd had, maybe it was the thought of seeing Bella, but I decided in that moment to drive into Seattle and surprise Bella at that club. She'd said she was going with her girlfriends, so I didn't really think I would be interrupting anything too serious.

After settling my tab and downing a bottle of water, I hopped into my car and made the trip into Seattle. I found the club easily with my GPS, and when I arrived, it looked like the place was already busy for the night. Checking my watch, I was sure that Bella would be here by now, so I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and paid the cover charge to get in.

Weaving through the crowd, I scanned the bar area first, doing double-takes at each brown-haired woman I saw. The woman I wanted wasn't there, but I still stopped to grab a bottle of beer while I continued searching. I was obviously behind on my alcohol intake because people bumped into me and pushed to move through the crowd. It was a little annoying, and I tried to watch before any more collisions could occur. Finally, I made my way to where the dance floor was occupied by a very large crowd. The area was sunken down a few steps from the rest of the club, so it was almost like a fishbowl from the outside. Along one side was a partition half wall that led over to a second bar area, and people stood near it, watching the action below. I decided that would be a good place to position myself to look for Bella, so I wormed in and rested my beer on the ledge of the wall.

As I watched all the people coupling off and using the music to meet new potential love (or lust) interests, I realized what a strange dating dynamic it was. It made it easy to see why so many relationships that started in bars or clubs never lasted. They were so superficial and shallow. Unwelcomed thoughts entered my mind, making me wonder if this was how Bella met guys. Granted, we had met in a bar, but it was a much different atmosphere than this club. And I cared for her now; that made things different.

I tried to imagine myself as the kind of guy who could find her in a noisy, crowded place like this. I had no doubt that I would immediately want to get her home with me and would use any form of seduction I could to convince her.

I didn't like that though.

Bella deserved more.

Instead, I allowed myself a rare moment of wishful thinking, in which there were no circumstances standing between us as there were now. We would do everything together - holding hands on dates, shopping trips, and baseball games. I would kiss her in a restaurant simply because I could and because her pouty lips begged to be kissed. We could be together, freely, whenever and however we chose, and there would be no restrictions of time or any other obstacle. That's what I would want if I could have it, but in reality, it was neither here nor there. That kind of life wasn't possible for us, so I accepted what I could get.

My fantasies came to a halt when I spotted her in the middle of a crowd of girls. Bella was wearing a silver shirt that shimmered in the colored lights on the dance floor, and when she spun around, I saw that it..._fuck_...it was completely backless and was only tied together in the back by a pair of strings similar to a bikini top. A bra was out of the question, and just the thought of that made my mouth water to taste her skin. Her exposed back and the cut of the handkerchief of a shirt she wore accentuated the way her tight jeans clung to her hips. They pulled perfectly at her small curves, and with her long hair swaying as she danced, she was irresistible.

I wanted to go to Bella and claim her immediately, but I was mesmerized watching her body dip, roll, and swivel to the obnoxiously loud dance music. She had no reason to think I would be here, since she hadn't actually invited me to join her group, so I took advantage of the opportunity to stand back and enjoy the performance. I could see her smiling and laughing with her friends, and I didn't want to interrupt. I knew that she kept herself pretty busy with two jobs, so getting to be out with college friends was a treat for her.

Forcing myself to stay put wasn't easy, but the show was great. Bella was in her element - playful, carefree, and happy with her girls. She seemed to be the leader of their little group, encouraging everyone to move and enjoy themselves. She twirled one girl around, then spun her way over to another, dropping down in front that friend and earning herself a smack on the ass. I chuckled at their familiar dynamic, and it was unsurprising when I watched guys infiltrate their group one by one. Bella, of course, was the first to be approached, and though she turned down more than one guy at first, she finally gave in when she realized that her friends were enjoying the attention and wanted to break apart to enjoy their new male companions.

Bella allowed a black-haired guy who was only a couple inches taller than her to put his hands on her hips and guide her body toward his. She maintained her distance, tossing her arms over his shoulders, but he kept trying to get more than she offered. Frankly, she did appear interested in him in some way, but she wasn't allowing him to simulate fucking her as they danced. I watched the way they moved with undivided attention, restraining myself just a little longer. Yes, I wanted her for myself, but I was also curious to see how she would handle herself in this situation. If he got too friendly, how would she react? Would she stand her ground or would she welcome it?

The music slowed on the next transition, and I saw them drift just a little closer together. I didn't want Bella wrapped up in some stranger's arms, though. I had enjoyed my semi-voyeuristic show for a while, but now it was time to act. I swallowed the last sip of my beer, which had gone warm by now, and made my way down the steps onto the dance floor. I maneuvered around swaying couples until I found a small hole in the crowd near Bella. I was still about eight feet away, but it was a good distance to wait for her to see me.

Her eyes closed for a few moments, and they opened at the exact time that she turned and was able to see me over her dance partner's shoulder. At first glance, she blinked hard and her eyes widened in surprise. Her reaction caused an instantaneous, fond smile to illuminate my face, and she beamed happily at me as well. She said something to the guy she danced with, and he unhappily moped away. As soon as he was gone, she launched herself at me, slamming our bodies together, and nearly knocking me off my feet.

"What are you doing here?" she asked excitedly, kissing my cheek.

Instead of answering immediately, I wrapped her in my arms and began moving to the slow beats. She curved into my hold, still looking up at me as I smiled down at her.

"Long story that doesn't really matter, but you said you were coming here, so I thought I'd surprise you."

"Awesome. Fucking. Surprise," she replied, kissing me softly after each word.

That was all the conversation we needed, and we settled into a comfortable, close dance as she rested her cheek on my chest. Heat radiated off both of us, making our embrace that much more intimate and addictive. On their own accord, my hands wandered over her bare back, in her hair, and daringly, over the slope of her ass. She shook with amusement against me when I gave her a playful squeeze, but she never objected or complained about my blatant groping in the middle of the club.

"You're such a fucking tease," she scowled, fisting my hair in her hands and pulling my ear toward her lips. Her grip was harsh and dominating; just the right amount to drive me crazy with need.

In the next moment, the music transitioned back into something fast and thumping. The song was apparently popular based on the whoops and hollers of the crowd, but I didn't care about anything other than the way Bella began grinding herself against me. I shifted my leg between hers, pressing my thigh against her jean-clad pussy and earning myself a moan from her, and she tugged me by the hair once more to bring our mouths together.

We went on that way for several songs, bumping and pressing, making out and torturing one another and ourselves. Everything and everyone else was lost to me as I focused on how damn sexy this girl was. That wasn't anything new to me, but she seemed so in her element here, and I loved seeing this different side of her. My rock and roll girl could also be a video chick if she ever wanted to. As soon as that thought came to me, my mind was inundated with visions of Bella doing Jessica Alba's cowgirl dance from _Sin City._

_Yep, that'll be enough. I need to get us out of this club right the fuck now._

"Fuck, baby," I groaned, squeezing her tightly so that she could barely move. "I want you so damn bad."

"Mmm...yeah, Edward," she returned, licking the edge of my jaw. I shivered and pressed my obvious erection against her.

"You wanna get out of here?"

"Yeah," she said, nodding vigorously.

"You drive?"

"Nope."

"Good." I smiled widely, very happy to offer her a ride home.

She excused herself to find her friends and say goodbye, but I didn't let go without a fight. Releasing her, even for just a few moments, was not an idea that my body (or dick) appreciated.

Once we had managed to escape the crowd and get outside, I pinned her to the side of the building, sucking her lips between mine. She laughed, pushing back on my shoulders.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head, but I didn't buy it.

"Tell me," I insisted, tickling her sides.

She squirmed and wiggled, still giggling at me. "This just...isn't the first time you've mauled me up against a wall."

I thought about her comment, suddenly remembering the day, not too long ago, when we'd had our very revealing fight at the fondue restaurant and followed it with a heated car sex encounter. That memory did little to help me stop and get us into my car, but Bella managed to push me back and lead the way.

In the car, I went as fast as I safely could through the city, praying for green light along the way. Bella's hand rested on my thigh, which was insanely distracting, and when it started to drift inward and higher, I had to grab her wrist to stop her progression.

"Bella, _please."_

"What?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at me innocently. "Don't you want to play?"

"I want to get us back to your apartment in one piece," I said, but I did little to stop her when she brought her other hand over to loosen my grip. She then proceeded to unzip my pants and pull my erection from my boxers, stroking me lightly. I white-knuckled the steering wheel, trying to focus on road while she touched me so perfectly.

"That's right," she cooed. "Keep driving, hot stuff."

_Holy fucking shit._

"Bella..." I groaned, but before I could protest further, she was pumping my cock, twisting circles around my head and tugging me with perfectly timed strokes. I reflexively bucked up into her hand, and my arms shook as I tried to keep the car on the road. "Oh god... Oh fuck... Baby, I don't think I... Fuck!"

This was a problem. She had complete control of me, and that was not good if I wanted to maintain control of my car. It was a struggle to keep my eyes on the road ahead when they fought desperately to watch her hand on me or see her face as she brought me pleasure. When she leaned over the center console and began trailing hot, wet kisses along the side of my neck, I swerved to the side of the road, braking quickly.

"Holy shit, Edward!" she yelped. "Warn me!" Yet she resumed fisting my cock once the car was in park.

"Bella...can't drive... Fuck!"

Her lips reattached to my skin, and she turned my face to kiss me fully. I struggled uselessly against her. She had me, more or less, by the balls, and I really didn't have a choice in the matter.

I muttered a bit more about getting back to her place, but she couldn't be stopped. Her tightening grip reinforced her refusal, and my back arched out of my seat as I felt myself about to lose it. She squeezed a little harder as she pumped me, licking her palm a few times and spreading the wetness from my tip to help with the friction. Finally, my body stiffened, and I fisted my hand around myself to catch my release. Bella grabbed my dirty clothes that I had thrown in the backseat earlier, and I used them to wipe our hands clean. Once I was tucked back into my pants and able to think coherently again, I resumed driving and got us to her apartment as quickly as possible. It was no surprise that Bella wore a smug smile for the rest of the ride home.

As soon as we got there, I scooped Bella up and tossed her over my shoulder, running toward her door as she shrieked and kicked happily. I dropped her on the doorstep, kissing her once and demanding that she get the door open immediately. She did so willingly, and we went directly to her bedroom, tearing off each other's clothes rabidly.

"Come here, you evil woman," I said roughly, tossing her topless form onto the bed and yanking her jeans down her legs. "It's payback time." She was wearing a lace thong, and I grinned conspiratorially as I stared at it.

"What's that look for?" she asked warily.

I kicked off my pants and boxers and crawled up the bed on hands and knees, stalking like a hungry predator, until I was over her. With both hands at her left hip, I tugged the stringy fabric in opposite directions, tearing it with a satisfying sound. Bella gasped, panting heavily as she watched me move my hands to the other side and repeat the action.

"I hope you didn't like those," I said noncommittally.

"I did," she smirked, "but that was totally fucking worth it, ya caveman."

We laughed together as I lowered myself over her, skin and heat meeting in blissful perfection. We kissed for a few minutes, happily soaking up the pleasure of being naked and alone after our sexually charged dancing at the club and her naughty behavior in my car. I eventually rolled us to the side, wedging her legs open with mine as I slipped my hand between her legs. She propped herself up on her elbow and leaned in to kiss my shoulder and down my bicep as I massaged her breasts with my free hand. We moaned and shifted in enjoyment, and I could feel her tongue tracing along lines of my tattoos. She fucking loved doing that, and I was never, _ever_ going to complain about that little fetish.

She was close, I could tell, but Bella was resisting for some reason. "What's wrong?" I asked, trying to keep her near me.

"Lemme get a condom," she panted. "Please."

I loosened my grip and felt the cool air touch my wet fingers when she was out of my hands, but she soon returned, slipping the square packet into my palm. I rolled it on quickly and was surprised when Bella slid off the bed, standing at the side with her hands on her hips. I raised my eyebrows expectantly for an answer, and she responded by curling her finger to beckon me toward her. Not quite sure what she had in mind, but more than happy to find out (not to mention painfully hard and needy), I bounced over to her side and stood. My arms went around her, hugging her gorgeous, smooth, naked body to mine, but she turned herself in my arms after a brief kiss. I realized what she intended when her hands hit the nightstand and her ass jutted out, making contact with my dick.

"Shit, baby," I groaned, grabbing her hips as her legs parted to accommodate me. Holding myself in one hand, I slid into her easily, hissing at the tight, amazing damn angle. Bella cried out in that perfect fucking way she always did when I first moved inside her, and the sound automatically put a smile on my face. There was no doubt I loved that I could do that to her.

I thrust into her repeatedly, watching the way I slid in and out of her body effortlessly as she absolutely coated me, making our movements smooth and incredibly rewarding. There was nothing like knowing how much someone wanted you, and I never had any doubts with Bella. Her body and her words always reassured me that I could give her what she needed. This position was complete sensory overload. From the explicit view of her pussy wrapped around my cock to the way her fingernails dug into the wooden top of her nightstand, I was hers in these moments.

"Don't stop!" she called out, fighting to keep her head up and look back at me. "God, that feels so good, Edward. Ohh!"

Pushing harder, I knew that she was going to unravel at any moment. I slowed my withdrawals, stopping when just the head of my cock remained within her, and then I would slam back in. I was teasing her, and she knew it, but after a few rounds of that she tightened her inner muscles around me as a silent demand to give her what she wanted. Knowing Bella, she would probably push me away and get herself off while I watched just to torture me if I didn't make her come soon. I laughed lightly at her body language and quickened my pace, holding her steady so that she wouldn't fly face first into the table. Within seconds she shouted my name and her elbows buckled. I reluctantly pulled out and brought her up to face me, but I wasn't done yet.

"What do you want?" I asked after kissing her a few times.

She placed her hands on my shoulders and jumped up, wrapping her legs around my waist. I caught her with a surprised grunt.

"Kitchen counter," she instructed, and I couldn't help but laugh at the demand. I listened, though, carrying her out of the bedroom and toward her kitchen. It was small, but all we needed was enough counter space for her delightful little ass. I set her down gently, taking a moment to trail my tongue over her breasts a few times before realigning our bodies. She was back to her hair yanking from earlier at the club, and I wasn't going to argue. I _needed_ to be back inside her.

"Damn, Bella, what's gotten into you tonight?" I asked as she gripped my shoulders tightly. I could tell she was struggling to keep her fingernails from embedding in my skin, but she knew by now that was off limits.

"You," she breathed suggestively, placing hot kisses anywhere on my face she could manage.

"Mmm...fucking right," I agreed, "but I meant...figuratively...feisty girl."

She tipped my face toward hers with a firm grip on my jaw, smashing our lips together and silencing me with a prodding, forceful, amazing kiss. It was like our mouths were fucking in time with the rest of our bodies, and for some reason, that made it so much hotter. Almost as if she was fucking me in return for me doing it to her.

"I guess I just...I just...missed you," she choked out when our lips parted, and then she went back to her attack as I tightened my grip on her ass and pumped in and out.

Those words became my undoing. I wasn't sure if it had something to do with the heat of the moment or the shit-tastic day I'd had, but hearing that this alluring, irresistible woman wanted me enough to become crazed and wanton was empowering and overwhelming all at once. I let her know that I was close, and she grabbed one of my hands, directing my fingers to her clit. She kept her hand over mine, guiding our motions to help her peak again.

Our quick finger work set her off almost immediately, and the way her body gripped and convulsed around me sent me over the limits of my resistance. My face fell into Bella's breasts, and I heard a loud thump behind us, followed by a pained "Oww!" Snapping my chin up to see what had happened, I noticed Bella rubbing the back of her head. She had hit it against the cupboards, and based on the sound, it was hard.

"Did I do that?" I asked remorsefully.

"Umm, no," she said with a half chuckled. "I just sort of...threw my head back a little too hard."

"Aww, come here, sweet girl," I soothed, tossing the condom into the garbage before pulling her off the counter and into my arms. I slipped my hand up her neck and into her hair, rubbing the back of her head gently. "You want some ice?"

"It's not that bad. Can we just go lie down?"

"Sure," I said, kissing the tip of her nose and guiding her out of the kitchen. She detoured to the bathroom, and I put my boxers back on before settling onto her bed. She returned a minute later in a bathrobe, joining me on the bed and curling into my side. We lay there talking casually, and every few minutes she would reach up and rub her head again. I felt bad that she had hurt herself, but not for the passionate moment that had caused her to do so. Inwardly, I was actually a little smug that she had lost control like that.

She eventually softened the lamp and turned on her TV, and we found a classic rock music countdown that we agreed upon. That led to some sporadic comments from both of us on the songs and artists highlighted, but eventually, Bella's side of the conversation dwindled, and I realized that her lack of response to what I was saying was because she had fallen asleep. I smiled at how peaceful and cozy she looked in my arms, even with her disheveled hair and smudged make-up. I took a few minutes to observe the rise and fall of her chest and admire her beauty, my earlier thoughts from the club coming back to me. If time and circumstances had aligned differently for us, I knew that she was someone I could have been serious about. I couldn't seem to stay away from Bella, but this wasn't serious; it never could be. A part of me - a nagging, guilty part that I had become quite good at blocking out - reminded me how unfair this situation was to everyone involved, knowingly and unknowingly, yet I still went on. Eventually, it would have to stop. Right now was not the time I wanted to think about that, though.

I returned my attention to the countdown, knowing that I had to leave soon, but wanting to enjoy holding Bella for a just a little bit longer.

_I was in the karaoke bar with the bad luau theme, and I spotted Demetri across the bar with two drop dead gorgeous women. The blonde that clung to his side wasn't really my type, but the brunette...she was stunning. I had seen them singing on stage, carefree and joyful. I had also seen the way the brunette's dark eyes burned into me when I'd sang. The desire and attraction were evident in her gaze, and I knew I had to meet her._

_We introduced ourselves, spoke for a while, and my wandering hands became adventurous. She welcomed my flirtations, and that spurred me on. I was about to confess something to her, but my mind went blank. What had it been? Confused, I bit my tongue, concentrating on...something. No, I couldn't remember. I looked down at my hands that rested on her knees._

_No ring._

_Didn't I have...? No._

_No, I didn't._

_"Edward?" she asked, breaking me from my thoughts. "Was there something you were going to say?"_

_"I..." I stumbled over myself to find the right words. "Umm, no, I guess not."_

_"Oh," she replied simply, eyeing me skeptically. I was definitely acting weird. "Maybe I should go?"_

_"What? No!" I protested, stopping her from getting off her stool. "Please stay. I want you to."_

_"Okay. I just thought... You know what? Nevermind. You ready for another drink?"_

_I shook my head, and she gave me another puzzled look. Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself for __what I wanted to say._

_"Bella, I have to be honest with your about something." She looked nervous, but I pressed forward. "You are the hottest, most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I promise you I am not just saying that to get in your pants. I would love to take you home right now and worship every inch of your body, but I can't."_

_Her face, which had brightened at my compliments, fell with my last few words. "Why not?" she asked quietly._

_"Because I know that even though we just met, I don't want to be like that with you. I'd like to take you out sometime and actually get to know you. Would you like to do that?"_

_The smile returned to her face, making my heart thump rapidly, and she placed her hands over mine. "I'd love to," she nodded. "But can I make a suggestion?"_

_"Sure," I replied._

_"You wanna go get something to eat? Or just, like, find a diner and get coffee?"_

_"Yeah, let's go." I smiled, pulling myself to my feet. Before I could move too far away, she pulled me back toward her, and our lips met in a soft, dizzying kiss._

"Edward? Hey, Edward? Wake up, babe."

"Huh?" I grumbled, rubbing my eyes as they adjusted to the light. "What's going on?"

"You fell asleep, sweetie. It's pretty late," Bella explained, rubbing my cheek gently. She was still curled into my side, and I gave her an affectionate squeeze.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to doze off," I said.

"It's fine. I just wouldn't want you to get in trouble or whatever," she said, and I thought I heard a hint of sadness in her tone.

I shifted, angling my body toward hers a little more and kissing her forehead. "No one's home. I've gotta work in the morning, but it's okay. I should probably go soon, though. You work tomorrow?"

"Not until eleven," she said.

I nodded and scooted down sleepily until we were side by side and facing one another. She ran her fingers through my hair, and my eyes closed automatically at the comforting sensation. I felt her lips press to mine, and I immediately welcomed her kiss. As we lay there kissing, my brief dream came back to me, and just for a few more minutes, I pretended. I tried not to give away my sentimentality or fantasy, but as I pushed away Bella's robe and lost myself in her one more time before I left for home, I created my own ending to my dream she had unknowingly interrupted when she woke me minutes before.

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**E/N: You like? Let me know =) There is one more outtake planned by request of adt216. It will be a future-take that will answer the question many of you asked – Did Bella & Edward ever have their own kids?**

**If you're interested, I'm participating in the June Fandom Gives Back auction. I'll be offering original one-shots, outtakes, and a collab with MsKathy. Many of your favorite authors will also be participating, as well as auctions for Twi memorabilia, crafts, and more. I hope you'll support Alex's Lemonade Stand & help make a good name for our fandom! **


	16. Chapter 16 The last futuretake

**A/N: A huge amount of gratitude goes to adt216 for donating to Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation through the November Fandom Gives Back auction. Her generosity warms my heart =) She asked for a future-take, so here you have it. True to NMTB form, there is a high dose of angst, but I promise to bring it all around by the end. Unending thanks to Chele681 for beta magic. Thank ****you**** for reading.**

**This falls after the FinnPOV. If you have not read that yet, it is brief and will help you understand this better.**

**All recognizable characters, products, or songs are property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fanfiction is mine.**

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"Bella? Are you all right? What's going on, sweetness?" I pressed my ear to the bathroom door, listening to my wife sob on the other side. That sound broke my heart. I had heard and seen her tears too many times over the course of our relationship, and each time, it was like a knife twisting in my gut. So many times, I had cried with her.

Without replying, I heard the sound of the lock disengage, so I turned the knob slowly, opening the door to find Bella perched on the edge of our garden tub, elbows on her knees. In her hand was a slim white object that I immediately recognized - a pregnancy test. Without hesitation, I went to her and fell to my knees at her side, taking her wrists in my hands.

"It's positive," she sob-whispered at the same moment I looked down and saw the indicator.

Looking into her eyes, I recognized her feelings without question. Fear, anxiety...hope. We had been here before, and each time became more difficult, more heartbreaking, even when we wanted to feel joy and excitement. Now, over a year after we had given up, it was starting all over.

"I can't do it again, Edward," she cried. "I can't get my hopes up just to be crushed another time. I can't do it. _I can't do it!_"

"It'll be okay," I soothed, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her tightly. I didn't know if that was true. There was no way to guarantee. Truthfully, the odds weren't in our favor, and this would turn out just as badly as she feared, but I had to be strong for her. I loved her so much, and if it meant taking on greater heartache to shield her from more pain, I would do anything I could. She didn't deserve this.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

We had begun trying to get pregnant immediately after we were married. We both felt that we had been together long enough that we didn't need a honeymoon period to wait. Bella hadn't wanted to accept my proposal until she felt we were on the same level in every way, which included starting a family, not just getting married. She went off her birth control, and like many other couples, we allowed things to happen naturally. Having Finn limited our spontaneity as far as "trying," but we still managed to find plenty of opportunities. Our desire for one another definitely had not dwindled, and Bella was just as feisty and irresistible as when we first met.

Each month, we would anxiously await to see if we had been successful. There were so many false alarms; Bella had always had erratic menstrual cycles when she wasn't on some form of birth control. Finally, after ten months, our dreams came true. She took a second pregnancy test immediately and another the next morning just to be sure. The results were the same. We were going to have a baby...or so we thought.

By the time she was seven weeks along, we had told nearly everyone our wonderful news. All our friends and family were excited and happy for us, and so were we. At seven and a half weeks, Bella miscarried.

We were both heartbroken, and Finn was especially disappointed, but no one took it as hard as my wife. She was already in her late twenties, and I was past thirty. We were both so ready, and the thought of waiting any longer was unwelcome. Bella knew how much I wanted to expand our family, and I knew how much she enjoyed children from her time as a preschool teacher.

After moving past the grief and disappointment as best as we could and waiting for the green light from our doctor, we began trying again. Miraculously, it was only a couple months after that time when we had another success. That time, our joy was accompanied by apprehension, and we didn't share the news with anyone. I encouraged Bella to at least tell Emmett and Rosalie, but she refused. In the end, it was probably better because we lost that baby as well.

Our devastation hit a new peak, and after some stressful testing that our doctor insisted upon, we learned that Bella had a low egg count. There were no other major conditions or problems that could be identified without more intensive testing, and the doctor surmised that it was likely a hormonal issue that naturally eliminated any at-risk pregnancies. Simply put, her body just had a harder time sustaining a child without intervention. There were treatments and procedures that could be done to help us, but Bella adamantly refused. It was understandable that she took the news so hard. Nothing in our relationship had been easy for either of us, and despite our happiness with one another and the family we formed with my son, this was tragic for her. Bella blamed herself, despite the doctor's assurance that she had done nothing to cause this. Little by little, through sad conversations we shared, I learned that part of her felt inferior to me since I had already fathered two children. I tried my best to ease her mind, but there was only so much I could do for her.

For a time, she was withdrawn and detached from the subject. She refused to discuss it, would not seek help from a fertility specialist or through hormone therapy, and we simply did not address making another attempt. Then Rosalie got pregnant, and Bella's world shifted. Rose and Emmett had also been married, and for them, pregnancy and happiness seemed to come so easily. While Bella inwardly suffered through jealousy of their fortune, she celebrated with her best friend and cousin. It was not as though she, or I for that matter, resented them for having a baby, but it was still difficult. Bella and I were both ecstatic for them, even though we shared feelings that could not be helped. I knew Rosalie and Emmett hurt for us as well, yet they thrived on the joy and anticipation of their new life, as they deserved to.

As Rose approached the end of her pregnancy, I saw an obvious turn in my wife. Though she refused fertility drugs or treatments, she went about making changes in her own way. She stopped eating meat and focused on healthier dietary habits for our entire family. She cut superfluous sugar and coffee out of her diet altogether, and she took multivitamins and a few other supplements on a regular basis. Nothing was in the extreme, but they were adjustments and habits she claimed made her feel noticeably healthier and more energetic. She and Emmett made arrangements so that she only worked one night a week and otherwise stuck to a daytime routine in the club. While she was already active, she added variety to her exercise routines. Those things made Bella happy, and I knew that she felt if she could naturally improve and strengthen her body without becoming obsessive about it, perhaps we could have a better chance.

There were downfalls and difficult parts, though. Bella's mind and heart still weren't ready to take the chance again. When we made love, she almost always insisted that I pull out. It wasn't exactly my favorite thing to do, but it was better than going back to condoms or some other form of contraception. It was a price I accepted because at least our physical relationship didn't diminish along the way. That intimacy was important to me - to both of us - and it would have killed me to lose that connection in addition to everything else we had been through. Even at our lowest and saddest points, my Bella always allowed me to hold her, be with her, and love her.

In one especially revealing heart to heart conversation, Bella confessed her thoughts about something I didn't want to truly believe.

_"Sometimes, I feel like it's punishment," she said quietly, looking away from my eyes._

_"What do you mean, 'punishment'?" I asked, sitting up in bed to face her._

_"You know," she began,"like, penance or something. The way our relationship began and all the stuff we did when you were still with Carissa. All the shitty stuff I did. Hurting other people, partying all the time...you know."_

_Pulling her closer to me, I cupped her face in my hands and shook my head. "Baby, no," I insisted. "This isn't penance; it's just life. Couples go through this every day. People who want babies can't have them, and others who don't end up pregnant. God, look at my history. It's just...life. Life isn't fair, Bella, and you cannot blame our circumstances for this. We may not have gone about things the 'right' way back then, but I'll never consider our past a mistake because it's what got us here, now, together for the rest of our lives. And I love you so fucking much. You know that, right?"_

_"Of course I know that," she sniffled, leaning forward to kiss me in a gesture of thanks. "I love you so much, too. I need you, Edward. But it still hurts that we can't have everything we want, and sometimes it's just really hard not to blame _something. _You know how I always over think things."_

The truth was, I had considered the same possibility that Bella suggested, but I could never let her know that. I was never one for that karma bullshit, but in a way, there were times when her theory made sense. Then again, maybe that was simply a justification to help me accept our troubles and the fact that we couldn't have our dream.

Eventually, when my mother became sick, we made the decision to move back to Washington. I wanted to be there with her and care for her as much as I could during that time, and it was also important for all of us that Finn had the opportunity to be there as well. I didn't relish the idea of my son watching his grandmother die, but he had always been a mature kid, and I knew that it was better for him to just be there, even if it was difficult.

Bella was more willing than I expected to move home. Years ago, she had been so adamant about staying in California unless there was no other way for us to be together, but in hindsight, I understood that, at the time, she had needed to establish something that was her own. She hadn't truly found herself until she went there and created a life she could be proud of as an independent, successful woman, but so much had changed since then. Our lives were different, better, and being together and supporting one another were our priorities now.

Through a great deal of discussion and research, we decided to open the restaurant. It wasn't an overnight process by any means, so while I did what I could for my mother, Bella was putting together all the details to make it happen. She found a location, bought the equipment, secured a liquor license, and began the remodeling process. Emmett backed the business financially and lent his know-how to help us all get it underway, but we had an established agreement for repaying all our debts in a timely manner. There was so much happening in our lives that it really felt like no time before we were opening the doors for our first customers. The process kept Bella busy and preoccupied, and for a time, we didn't focus on our pregnancy woes.

In a way, the timing was perfect. My mom passed just a week after the restaurant opened. She was weak and frail by that time, but we took her there during off-hours so that she could see the place, and she smiled as widely as her deteriorated body would allow. I later learned that Bella had given her one more piece of happiness that night.

_Bella's third pregnancy had come as a surprise to both of us. We hadn't tried since California, but we hadn't done anything to prevent it either. With everything else going on, it was easier to focus on other aspects of our lives, career, and family._

_A few days after Mom's funeral, Bella had arranged for Finn to spend some extra time with Carissa. We had been back to fifty-fifty custody since returning to Washington, but my wife thought I might need the opportunity to mourn without my teenage son having to witness it. It was a kind and thoughtful gesture, and Carissa was more than willing to accommodate. Bella took me to a spa for a couple's massage, and when we arrived home, she filled our over-sized bathtub, lit candles, and settled us in with some soft music playing in the background._

_She sat behind me, arms and legs wrapped around my body as I silently cried. It wasn't the first time, and I knew it wouldn't be the last, but this time felt cleansing, relieving. My hands curled around her forearms as I let it all out, leaning back into her warm, soft breasts and all the love and comfort she gave so freely._

_When the tears passed, we spoke intermittently, sharing stories or memories of Mom. Bella obviously __didn't have many since we lived in California for most of our time together, so she listened and allowed me to dwell on some happier times. Everyone knows the day will eventually come when you have to say goodbye to your loved ones, parents included, but that doesn't make it any easier. My beautiful, caring wife was exactly what I needed in those moments, though._

_The water cooled, so we drained most of it and refilled it, not quite ready to leave our little haven. I leaned my head back on Bella's shoulder, closing my eyes, and we were silent for a while. Her hands moved up into my hair, combing through it with soothing strokes as she played. She always loved toying with the strands, and it was one of the reasons I kept my hair a little longer and disheveled. Bella's lips moved to my neck, placing delicate kisses in a trail to my ear. She stopped there and spoke softly to me._

_"I told your mom something the night we took her to the restaurant. It made her really happy. Even if things don't turn out, it was worth her joy."_

_"What do you mean?" I asked, turning myself slightly in her hold so I could see her face._

_"I'm pregnant," she whispered almost inaudibly, but I still jerked out of her grasp, clumsily disentangling our limbs to turn on my knees and face her._

_"Really?" I asked earnestly, taking her face in my hands and directing her eyes toward mine. "You are? How far? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

_Bella smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Just six weeks now. It's still so early, and with everything else we had going on, I didn't want to overwhelm you. Especially if..." she drifted off, not completing the thought. She didn't have to; I understood what my wife meant. She hadn't wanted to tell me in case something went wrong again._

_"But you're okay right now?" I asked insistently, and she nodded. "Oh baby, that was so wonderful of you to give Mom that hope. This time has to be different. She'll be our angel. She'll make it work for us."_

_She took a deep, shaky breath in, sighing uneasily as she processed my thoughts. Somehow, my sentiments seemed to give her the hope and reassurance she needed. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and I pulled her to me, turning us in the tub so that she straddled my lap as I leaned against the back of the tub. She whispered to me about being scared and nervous, but I reassured her. It was all I could do. We could not allow ourselves to live in fear of another failure._

_Without hesitation, our moods shifted, and I caressed my gorgeous wife's warm, wet skin as she kissed me. Her hands fisted in my hair once more, but the gentleness was gone. Now, she was tugging me closer, demanding the connection she needed to feel with me in this highly emotional moment. I gave myself over to her in every way, and when I angled her body over mine, sinking into the heat and comfort of her sex, I felt whole. No matter where life took us, she would always be my home, my lighthouse, and my soul mate._

_"This is all I need," she told me, tilting her head back and drawing my lips to her chest. She rocked on her knees, rising and falling upon me as I worked my way over the rounded swell of her breasts to __capture her nipples in my mouth and fingers. I dragged wet kisses back and forth, allowing my hands to pick up where my lips and teeth left off, and her cries created the most beautiful, melodic song of love for me. Her pleasure was all I needed to do me in, and it was only moments later when we slumped together, spent from the emotional exhaustion of everything we had shared that day._

When we lost that baby, it was the worst of all. That pregnancy had lasted longer than the others, teasing our hopes and dreams, so when it happened, we both knew we couldn't do it again. It took us longer to recover, but so much of that was internalized on both our parts. It was just too hard to deal with.

In a way, we managed to accept it, though. We remembered our vows of love and commitment to one another_, _and we understood that, even without our own child, we had everything we could ever need in each other. Bella and Finn were my world and my heart, and I devoted myself to them. Our attention turned to our business and the responsibilities and busy schedule of raising a high school athlete. We worked, spent time with our friends and family, went to every one of Finn's games and banquets, and we made sure that he would have the best teenage experience we could provide. Once more, his maturity and close relationship with all his parents and adult role models made that easier on us than what most people experienced with high school students. We never told him about Bella's failed pregnancies after the first one, but I think he could sense it and had the respect to not ask for details we didn't readily provide.

When he graduated and returned to L.A. for college, we were all so proud of him, but there was a shift in our lives. Parts of the "empty nest" were weird, and other aspects of it were really nice. Finn had always been a part of my life with Bella since we moved to be with her all those years ago, so this was our first opportunity to be "alone." We were happy, even if things had not turned out how we expected or hoped they would. Then again, what in life ever does? My life, from age sixteen to the present, should have been a prime example of all the ups and downs and surprises we encounter.

We never slowed down. Our joint business venture was full of excitement, stress, learning experiences, and constant change. It was a good thing for both of us, and working together was something we enjoyed. We were successful and had good people in our lives. Without Finn in the house, we traveled a bit. Bella and I fit in vacations that had been difficult to do before. We spent a romantic week and a half in Hawaii, and another time we went skiing in Vermont. Trips to California were somewhat regular to visit Finn and our friends, which I knew Bella really loved doing.

Neither of us expected that another pregnancy was possible. Our doctors were regretful in telling us that hope was pretty much lost without serious intervention in the form of expensive, risky fertilization treatments, but Bella did not want to go that route.

_"It would be different if I was still twenty-five, Edward, but I'm not. Normal pregnancies are dangerous for women in their mid-thirties; I don't want to have to deal with the added stress, especially if it's so likely we'll fail again. This is okay. This is our lot in life, and I've accepted it. We have so much to be grateful and happy for, so we should let go."_

I hated it for both our sakes, but I went along with Bella's request. When I stepped back and looked at the situation seriously, she had a very good point. We had Finn in college; starting all over at this point would be much crazier than trying to have a baby when he was ten years old. That was a huge part of the reason her latest pregnancy came as such a shock to both of us. After the third miscarriage, Bella had decided to get an IUD. After some recent discussion, we agreed that it would be easier for me to get "snipped" rather than have her keep up with contraceptive implantation, especially after everything she had been through. It was to be our way of closing the door on that chapter in our lives.

Ironically, there was a gap between her appointment when she had the IUD removed and my vasectomy procedure. Bella didn't experiences any pain or bleeding side effects from the removal, so we took advantage of it. Knowing that I would be "out of commission" for a little while after having it done, we wanted to make the most of our time when we could be intimate. By some unlikely twist of fate, that was when Bella became pregnant.

Now, my wife was a nervous wreck, and I did not doubt a single word she said when she admitted that she couldn't go through another miscarriage. Despite all our disappointments and emotional turmoil, we had been lucky and blessed in so many other ways. Neither of us could fathom how this could be fair or why God would put us through it.

Bella's doctors were surprised by our news, to say the least, and they immediately put her on the best prenatal vitamins available, scheduled frequent checkups for her, and insisted that she work no more than part-time. She was still encouraged to remain active with light to moderate exercise but to never push or exert herself unnecessarily. Bella's diet was already pristine - a habit she had retained for years - and I was commissioned to ensure that everything went as the doctors ordered. We agreed to all their instructions, of course, but we both feared the worst. Even if no one would say it aloud, each day was spent waiting for the ball to drop and our hearts to break once more.

That didn't happen.

Days passed and turned into weeks. We held each other close each night, and though we didn't make love as often as usual, our relationship did not lose any closeness or intimacy. Bella experienced normal pregnancy symptoms, including morning sickness, cravings, and aversions. We stayed home from work when we reached the time her last pregnancy had ended, but things went on as usual. The doctors said her progression thus far was good and normal. Before we knew it, we were on the cusp of her second trimester. Inwardly, I celebrated when we made it safely to that time; it was an enormous victory. Bella cried. I understood that her tears were a blend a fear, joy, and a dozen other overwhelming, bottled up emotions. Once more, the doctors said things were normal.

Neither of us could fathom how this was possible after everything else that we had gone through, but it was really happening. Making it safely to the second trimester was a huge milestone, especially for someone who has had previous miscarriages, and I wanted to believe we were truly safe now. It was a surreal experience for both of us, but it wasn't until Bella's twenty-week ultrasound that we shared our news with anyone. We'd had earlier sonograms, given the circumstances, but this halfway point felt safer to expose ourselves to friends and family by making it all public.

We decided to take a trip to California to share the news. Bella and I had considered telling our parents first, but we agreed that Finn should be the one awarded that particular privilege. Emmett helped us arrange a private get together at the club on a Saturday afternoon. Finn was there with a few of his close friends. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Alex, and a handful of our other friends and former co-workers were present as well. While I explained the exciting news to my son and held out an album of sonogram pictures for him to see, Bella placed his hands on her stomach where his baby brother was happily growing. The shock and excitement on his face was priceless, and as he enveloped his step-mother and I in a warm, firm hug, tears trickled down his cheeks. Everyone erupted in excited cheers, and we later explained some of the general details about our pregnancy struggles over the years to those who didn't know our circumstances. It was truly one of the best days of our lives.

Back home, we told our parents during a Sunday brunch at our house. More tears were shed, and a number of happy but concerned questions were asked. Bella's parents were ecstatic to finally be grandparents, and my dad looked relieved for poor Bella. The Swans had taken Finn in as part of their family without hesitation, but Bella and I both knew that wasn't the same as having a little grandbaby to dote over. They certainly weren't the youngest grandparents, but their love would be endless.

Of course, we told Carissa and Jim as well. The years had healed many wounds, and Carissa was a much different person than she had been when we decided to divorce. They had decided not have children since they had only been married a few years ago, but they had opened their home to two foster children shortly after Finn left for college. It was difficult to find good, nurturing homes for teenage foster kids, but Jim was a former military man turned social worker, and he had a real knack for dealing with troubled youth. He and Carissa made a great team in that way, and it had brought an unexpected sense of purpose and fulfillment into their lives. They were surprised by our news but absolutely delighted for us. Carissa's smile and congratulations meant more to me than I realized they would.

The halfway marker and positive results thus far didn't mean things were perfect or in the clear. Bella was subjected to pretty much every test and preventative measure the doctors could think of, and I knew that those made her nervous. We were lucky that we had a great manager at the restaurant because I did not allow Bella to go to any appointment without me by her side. Even when it was just little checkups, it was important for both of us to be there. By her third trimester, I had made the decision to hire an experienced bookkeeper to handle the financial aspects of the business. The manager was given sole responsibility of scheduling and hiring for the time being, and I also added a second assistant manager to the crew so that there would be one assistant manager for the restaurant and another specifically for the bar. It was a little more money out of my pocket to make those changes to the staff, but it was one hundred percent worthwhile.

As the baby's due date drew closer, Bella was restricted to very little activity, and things were becoming both exciting and stressful. She refused to set up a nursery or allow anyone to throw her a shower before he was born. In the event that something went wrong, Bella did not want to come home to a baby's bedroom, decorated and full of gifts to remind her of another loss. I had been doing my best to keep the faith about things this time, but I had my own silent fears. Miraculously, there didn't seem to be any visible abnormalities from the tests and ultrasounds that a specialist had done, so we were praying for the best. We could hardly believe that things were going so unexpectedly well, and neither of us wished to do anything to jinx it. That being said, I still had a detailed and thorough order arranged with a baby store to deliver and set up everything we would need once our little boy was born.

One night, three weeks before the baby was due and after Bella had first begun experiencing contractions, we lay in bed talking. She was hot, so she wore these stretchy little shorts and a tank top that barely covered any of her body. It was a humorous sight, but I didn't mind it at all. Years ago, I had told her that I wanted to see her belly big and beautiful, full with my child, and experiencing it after we had given up believing it was possible was the most wonderful thing to me. Every opportunity I had, I would stand behind her, rubbing her belly...or kneel in front of her and talk to our boy...or lay with my head in her lap, singing softly as she ran her fingers through my hair with one hand and soothed our kicking baby with the other. I couldn't get enough of her, all voluptuous and feminine, and my hands were on my Bella every chance I had. Though we were much more gentle and cautious, I relished the times her hormones sent her into a needy overdrive. This night, there would be no love making, but I held her regardless of how warm she felt, spooning my body to hers and offering her all my love and comfort. I was so content.

"Are you too hot? Do you want me to move?" I asked, running my hand up and down her bare arm.

"Mmm...no," she hummed, placing her hand over mine. "You feel good."

We conversed quietly about little nothings for a while, but soon the conversation turned.

"What's the matter, baby? I can tell something's up with you."

"It's nothing," she hedged.

"Liar." I slid my hand down and gave her a warning squeeze on her plump ass. _So delicious..._

"I'm just... I don't know if I'm ready for this. I mean, I am, but I'm getting freaked out. We're going to be the oldest parents ever. When he goes to kindergarten, all the others moms and dads are going to be in their twenties and I'll be over _forty._ And then when he graduates, we're going to be close to sixty! We'll probably never know our grandchildren, if he even has any, and life is just going to be so damn _hard!_" she wailed, having worked herself up to the point of crying. It wasn't the first time Bella had cried during her pregnancy - she had been quite prone to hormonal tears, actually - but this was a different concern she was sharing.

"Baby, baby, shh..." I urged, scooting back so she could roll over to her other side and face me. "None of that stuff matters, Bella. Yes, we're starting out a little older than some parents, but it's not unusual for people in their thirties to have babies. Is our age going to make us any less capable as parents? Less loving? Less deserving of this opportunity? Will being older parents make him love, respect, or need us less?"

"No," she whimpered, shaking her head back and forth against the pillow. Reaching forward, I wiped away her tears and kissed her eyelids. "You're right. You're always right. You're so much better at all of this than me," she sniffled.

I had to laugh at that. She was so stressed and edgy right now, and I couldn't really blame her. It was tough not to find humor in her erratic moods sometimes. "Listen to me, love. Yes, I've had a baby before, but I was practically a kid. This will be just as new an experience for me as it's going to be for you. The point is we'll have each other every single step of the way. Our son will have the greatest mommy in the whole world who's going to treasure and adore him. He'll have us _together_ and a big brother who will help him however he can. He'll have family and friends who want to be a part of his life, and Bella, you'll have all those people to support and help you too. I know it's daunting, but all of this has been amazing, right? We are _blessed_."

She continued to sniffle a little, but Bella's tears subsided, and I let her wrap her arms around my neck, pulling me toward her. I aligned my body with hers, tangling our legs together, pressing my stomach to her baby bump, and angling my head in to rest our foreheads together. I rubbed her cheek lovingly for a few minutes before moving it down to the side of her belly. The baby rolled against my hand, making us both smile and laugh lightly.

"I don't know what I would do without you," Bella said quietly, nuzzling my nose and then pressing her lips to mine.

"I think the same thing about you every single day, Bella. Every day. I love you," I told her fervently, deepening our kiss. After a few moments, I moved my head back to my pillow and looked at my amazing wife. "Things may not be perfect. Nothing ever has been with us, but it will be fine. We'll be more than fine."

And we were.

Declan Anthony Cullen was born eleven days later. He weighed seven pounds, four ounces, and his hair was as dark as his mommy's. Bella's blood pressure had dropped during labor, and no matter how hard she pushed, the baby wouldn't come out. After being rushed to an emergency C-Section, the doctor discovered that Declan's umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck. Thankfully, he was okay and didn't require any special observation or care. He was a perfectly healthy newborn. Bella needed some extra recovery time after her surgery, but everything we had been through - the ordeal of Declan's birth, the dramatic pregnancy, and all the heartache and loss the preceded it - were nothing in comparison to the love and joy on her face when she held our son for the first time. It had all been worthwhile.

* * *

**E/N: Edward's boys are Finnegan Edward and Declan Anthony. I don't think I ever put Finn's full name in the story =)**

**My heart goes out to anyone who has ever suffered through any form of struggle, loss, or grief in the conception, pregnancy, or parenting process. I did not approach this subject lightly, and I tried to handle it delicately and honestly in a short amount of words.  
**

Please visit www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com for information on the upcoming auction in June.


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